Never Have Love At All (Las Mujeres Fuertes Series #1)

CHAPTER 30

"I wouldn't dare to ink this Eiffel Tower on my skin if I don't love you, Tallinn."

Those words kept playing on my mind since he said that. I would lie if I say that it didn't affect me at all dahil masyado ko naman na talagang iniisip ang mga salitang 'yon.

I'm still confused if I'm attracted to him or I'm just this confused. Ayokong paasahin si Ryle, hindi niya deserve 'yon ngunit ayoko rin namang pangunahan ang nararamdaman ko ngayon dahil alam ko pati ako naguguluhan na.

Parang meron na...

Even if I don't want to admit it now, I think my heart is starting to betrayed me. Lagi ko siyang naiisip lately. I know that it isn't normal kasi hindi naman ako ganito kay Ryle dati. Wala naman siyang epekto sa akin dati pero ngayon parang kahit simpleng pagtaas ng kilay niya iba na yung dating sa akin. I saw him differently now. Not just Ryle but the man who confessed his feelings for me.

We often exchange text messages even before but now I want to demand his time to talk with me a little longer. Gusto ko na ata siya? Natatakot ako pero there's one thing that made me stand for this and it is my heart. Parang inukit na ata rito ang pangalan ni Ryle.

Napatingin ako sa maliit na kahon na matagal ko ng hindi binubuksan. It's been three years at dalawang araw narin ang lumipas nang muli kong nakita si Aza. I have no idea if that was a sign... To finally read the letter he wrote for me before he left for his race. Baka kapag nabasa ko na... Baka mas maging okay na.

I finally let my feelings go years ago. Ang sakit lang kasi nang ginawa niya. Kung minahal niya nga ako, ang sakit parin ng paraan ng pang-iiwan niya sa akin. Masyado akong nagpakalunod sa mga pangako niya. Masyado akong nagtiwala, kaya ganon-ganon nalang din 'yung sakit nung ipagtabuyan niya ako.

He made me feel so love but in the end he left me hanging alone. Parang istorya na binitin niya. He's my first love. Sabi nila first love never dies but only one true love can burn it down. Siguro nga hindi talaga si Aza. Siguro nga dumadaan lang siya sa buhay ko.

I shook off those uninvited thoughts. Ayokong malungkot ngayon. Napatingin muli ako sa box. Laman non ang sulat, kwintas, at promise ring na binigay niya sa akin. I almost threw every single things that he gave to me but Kylie stopped me. She said, I need those in the future. Either I'll keep those or give back to him. Kaya hanggang ngayon ay nasa stock room ang mga iyon. And I promise to myself now, I will read that letter one of these days. Bago matapos ang taon.

My heart knew... We couldn't be together again. My heart knew that I have someone in my heart now. Gaano man ako katakot na tanggapin at isipin... Alam ko sa sarili ko, gusto ko narin siya.

I get my things when I'm finally done and went to the parking lot. Naghihintay doon si Ryle. I wear a simple wrapped up dress and white sneakers to pair with it. Naabutan ko pa siyang na nagl-load ng mga boxes sa trunk ng sasakyan niya. He's wearing a plain black shirt that is very fit on his biceps. Naka-jeans din ito at sneakers kagaya ko.

He's... Ang gwapo niya. Bagay sa kanya ang suot niya. Ang lakas ng dating. Shit! I have to remind myself not to check him out! Kailangan kong magdahan-dahan!

I smiled and waved my hands when he looked at my direction. Natataranta pa ako. Parang tanga. Dali-dali akong naglakad papalapit sa kaniya at ibinukas naman niya ang mga braso niya para sa isang yakap.

"Happy birthday!" I greeted him again and showed the cookies I baked for him last night.

Kaninang alas dose ng umaga ay magkausap pa kami. He's happy because I waited for his birthday daw. I was the first person who greeted him and like what he said, I made his birthday extra special daw. Para ngang kinikilig pa siya. Ewan ko ba.