SCSU: Cleo - Worth Fighting For

Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Helpless

Part of me repented that I chose to spend three days here in my condominium alone especially on Christmas eve. If it wasn't for my friends' calls I would spend my entire time crying in this empty unit.

Come to think of it, I've been living alone here for months but this is the first time that I feel alone. Maybe because I was busy studying and doing stuff that I never felt lonely.

Napabugtong hininga ako nang maisip na madalas nga pala si Manu dito kaya hindi ako masyadong na-hohome sick. Tinignan ko ang phone ko, ang huling beses na tinawagan niya ako ay noong maaga ako umuwi at hindi nakapagpaalam kahit kina Marica.

Wala man lang sumunod, kahit kamusta lang.

Conor and I went shopping the other day, bibili pa lang daw siya ng regalo at gusto niyang hingin ang opinyon ko. Syempre pumayag ako at wala naman akong ginagawa sa condo. Although I didn't tell him about my problems nor the fact that I'm in my condo alone kahit kay Marica ay hindi ko masabi. Para kasing may parte sa akin na sinasabing dapat kimkimin ko na lang 'to at huwag na silang paproblemahin pa.

Sapat na sa akin iyong mga tawag nila at mga yayang pumunta sa mall, those keep me sane for awhile but would eventually messed up when I prepare myself to sleep.

On Christmas eve, bumisita si Tito Lester at personal na inabot ang mga handa sa bahay. Kahit na gustong-gusto ni Mama na bumisita rin ay hindi pa pwede kaya si Tito Lester na lang muna.  He stayed there for an hour so we had a talk.

"Tito..." I hesitated to open the topic but it bothers me for days so I know I have to face this.

Gusto ko nang matapos 'to at eto na siguro ang tamang pagkakataon. I don't think I can talk to Mama when she's already stress with the twins.

"I've heard you and Mama talking about someone named Martin... Is he... still looking for me?" I saw how shocked he is, umupo siya ng tuwid at tumigil sa pagkain

Tumikhim siya at bumugtong hininga bago ako tinignan ng seryoso.

"You know I promised you that I will make you and your Mama happy on our wedding, right?" tumango ako, I was in Grade five when they got married. It's been almost a decade but I still remember his promise.

"You were in high school when your father started looking for you, medyo natagal lang dahil naiba na ang apelyido ng Mama mo." I keep listening even if my mind can't absorb the information.

"I think it should be your Mom to tell you about their history but one things for sure, he wants to get to know you but your Mom didn't let him. Sana maintindihan mo ang Mama mo, she did it to protect you."

"Pero bakit hindi niya po ako tinanong? Ako po yung gustong makita nung tao pero ako po yung walang kaalam-alam sa nangyari."

"Sorry pero ako ang rason kung bakit ayaw ng Mama mo ipakilala ka sa Daddy mo. Inisip niyang masasaktan ako, na ma-ooffend ako kapag nalaman kong hinahanap mo ang tunay na Ama mo kahit na ako ang kumupkop sayo. I love you and your Mom so much that I let her with that decision, siguro inisip ko rin na baka nga sumama ka sa Daddy mo at iwan kami kapag nalaman mo 'yun." umiling ako, I would not do that to them.

Tinanggap kami ni Tito Lester kahit na wala kaming ma-ooffer, lalo na sa estado namin sa buhay habang siya ay tagapagmana ng kumpanya. Kahit kailan ay hindi ako nakaramdam ng paghuhusga sakanya. For me, he was a pure and loving stepfather. He treated me as his own daughter and supported me in every decision.

"Hindi ko po magagawa sa inyo 'yan, Tito. I'm beyond grateful to be your stepdaughter and would never complain anything but I'm also curious about my real father especially when he's out there looking for me."