To Fall Apart

Prologue

Prologue

Luck. Something that people is holding on to don't lose hope and continue living. Something that everyone of us wish to favor us. Something that we thought, the only way for us to fight the uncertainties.

As long as we have the luck, there's no way for us to lose hope.

But, I guess, some people isn't just iucky enough to have it. Some suffered because luck didn't favor them. Some, lose their shelters, died in hunger, suffer from pain, and yet, they still hold on, believing that one day, they're only hope will favor them.

Napabuntong hininga ako ng sumabog ang aking buhok dahil sa ihip ng hangin. Papa is just beside me, staring at the tomb in front of us. Mahapdi na ang mata ko kakaiyak at masakit na din ang ilong ko. Papa looked at my way. Mas lalo akong naiyak ng nakita sya na naluluha. He smiled weakly at me then open his arms. Suminghot ako bago ako nagpabuhat kay Papa.

"Everything will be alright my baby okay?" pang-aalu nya sa akin. Tumango ako at niyakap si Papa.

I was then ten years old when my mama died because of a heart attack. Parang noong isang linggo lang ang saya namin e. Tapos ngayon, eto at umiiyak kami ni Papa sa harap nya. I haven't had the chance to spend more time with her.

She doesn't even thought me how to dress up when I grow up, or handle boys, or even talk to me about girl stuffs. Siniksik ko ang mukha ko sa balikat ni Papa at pumikit.

I miss mama.

Because of what happened, Papa decided for us to move out. He can't stand a day living in a house full of memories with mama. Ayoko sanang umalis dahil kahit masakit, ayokong iwanan ang alaala ni mama sa bahay namin. But, what can I do? Papa is suffering so much than I do so I don't understand how much he's hurting and how is he going to cope up.

Lumipat kami sa kabilang bayan. May binili si Papa na bahay doon. I don't know what will he do in our old house but I wished something on him.

"Papa, don't sell the house ha. It's our only memory of Mama." I said longinly. Tipid na ngumiti si Papa bago hinaplos ang buhok.

"Sure, Andy." he said.

---

Lumunok ako. Tahimik akong naglalakad sa hallway ng bagong school na papasukan ko. I'm nervous. Humigpit ang hawak ko sa strap ng bag ko ng makita ang ibang estudyante na masayang nagkukwentuhan kahit first day pa lang. Napanguso ako. I'm an outsider in this school.

Dumeretso ako sa principal's office. Kakausapin daw muna ako para sa orientation. Dapat kasama ko si Papa kaso may trabaho e. Hindi ko na din pinilit. Kasi sa tuwing ganoon, maiisip nya lang na sana kung nandito si mama, madali lang ang lahat.

"G-Good morning ma'am." I greeted our principal when I entered her office.

Binaba ng principal ang suot na glasses at lumawak ang ngiti ng makita ako.

"Ms. Fortaleja!" masayang bati nya. Tipid akong ngumiti at kumaway.

"Oh my. You're so cute dear." natutuwang aniya. Nag-init ang pisngi ko.

Yumuko ako habang naglalakad papalapit sa kanya. Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya ng hindi sya kaagad nagsalita. I caught her smiling at me. Tumikhim ako.

"Sinong kasama mo?"

"Uhm. Wala po e." nahihiyang sabi ko. Kumunot naman ang noo nya sa akin.

"Hmm, wala? Ang mommy mo? Sino naghatid sayo dito?"

I bit my lower lip. My throat ran dry as I forced a smile.

"Wala na po si mama e. Si papa hinatid po ako pero nay meeting. Kaya ako na lang po."