The Rockstar Second Chance Vol. 5 Rocker Girl Series

Chapter 7

Addison

It was already two o'clock in the morning as she sat at the table with an old shoe box next to her full of letters. The house was quiet while her mind reeled, which was never a good thing, and on top of that she was expecting a house full of people coming over for a barbecue tomorrow to help Cheer her up. But at the moment, with so many things running through her head, all she wanted was to go to bed and stop thinking but instead she was not only wide awake, but wasn't going to be able to sleep any time soon.

Earlier, she did anything and everything to get the thought of Jimmy's letters out of her head, she gave the boys their baths, paced around the house when she couldn't sit still long enough to watch TV, even started to clean the house to where it fricking sparkled, and then paint her nails. But what she really wanted to do was read through those letters that were on the dresser in the bedroom again.

It was about midnight, and after painting her toenails again, she couldn't fight it anymore and got the box from the bedroom and sat at the kitchen table and started to read. After she had found the box, and everyone had gone home for the night, she organized the letters by date. Now she could read every letter, card, and postcard in order as Jimmy wrote them to her.

Reading each letter helped her see what Jimmy was going through. She was halfway through the box, but found herself going back to the very first letter he wrote when he was in the rehab center.

Her fingers went over the top of the envelopes and then pulled it out. With a sigh it sat there in front of her on the place mat, then with a shake of her head went to make herself a cup of coffee as she pondered over the things that had happened in her life.

She placed the pod in the coffee maker and pushed the button and went to the fridge to get the vanilla creamer and waited for the machine to finish. Over the past two years coffee had become one of her best friends. It helped her stay awake on nights that she had been watching Winston. She pulled a spoon from the draw pouring an extra generous amount of sweetened cream in her coffee before sitting back down at the table and the letter she must have read a thousand times by now. The first time she read it, she didn't think it would have such an impact on her, but it did.

Reading Jimmy's words, his thoughts, his concerns, his questions, and his guilt, she knew what Lynn had said to her was true. She loved two men, but it was Winston who healed her broken heart and taught her to love again... but there was a piece of it, no matter how hard she tried not to, that still loved Jimmy as well.

Her head fell into her hand while the other held onto the hot cup as she stared down at the envelope. "Why am I doing this to myself? I need to move on from everything from my past not sit here torturing myself over it." She sighed. "Maybe if I read the letter one more time, I'll be done." She mumbled, knowing that she couldn't do it. These letters were from her Jimmy, not the drugged, and boozed out man that hurt her. "If you read that letter again Addison, you'll never find your way back out. You've already read it a thousand times now, what would reading it again do for you except to make you feel even more lost then you already are." She sighed.

Lynn had been working in California with Billy when Tia had called her. Her and Margie had been worried about her and that had Lynn on the first plane back to Nashville. She was sure when she broke down after reading Jimmy's letters didn't defuse the situation any either. She was thankful that the boys were in preschool when all that happened... but then again, that was why she permitted herself to read them in the first place. She just didn't understand how she could miss a man so much, and long to see another just as badly. She didn't know if there was an answer to that question, only that her heart felt like it was beyond broken, and her mind bogged down with loss.