Within the Writing

Chapter One

"Hey loser!" I winced, hearing the name, the voice of a familar jock from Manchester High School. I quickly closed my leather journal, tucking it safely into my messenger bag and looking up from the park bench, trying to look confused.

"Me?" I said the word, willing it to sound confident but instead it came out quiet and shy, as it normally did. I sighed and felt my eyes fall to look down at my feet. A sign of my submissive and passive nature. A sharp pain on the top of my head and suddenly I was staring up into Adam's eyes, his hand holding a tuft of my hair. He was practically yanking it out of my scalp.

"Yes you, idiot." He laced his words with sarcasm and his dark hazel eyes rolled. I took a deep breath, trying to regain my composure, trying to will myself to be stronger than I actually was. "Now, you're going to do me...and," he looked at his group of friends who were stalking over like lions training in on a kill. "us, a favor." Adam finished, his eyes trained back on me. I shuddered and felt myself shrink farther into my passiveness.

 "What do you need?" I murmured quietly, feeling my body start to quiver, in fear. I should have been used to this. But I wasn't. Everytime it felt like the first time. These boys would make me do something dangerous. If I chickened out, they'd beat me. If I followed through, I would end up hurt. I understood the terms and the first couple times I chickened out, then I started following through, hoping the pain at the end would be less than them hurting me.

 "See, this time..." he thought for a moment. "we need a wingman, an alleby." Adam said. I raised a brow. No daring adventure? Nothing that would leave me scraped up and bruised.

 "An alleby for what?" I was curious. I had always been curious, it was in my nature. My older sister had even taken to calling me a kitten, for more than just curiosity reasons too.  I watched Adam's face and I as not liking what I saw. He was grinning, he was up to something really bad and it made my skin crawl. Goosebumps ran up my arms and I sat there waiting for him to answer my question.

 "Oh...you know, an alcohol run." He said like it was nothing. I twitched. That could land them in jail and if I agreed to be a part of it, it could land me in jail. So I instantly tried to stand up, only for Darek to shove me down back onto the park bench I was sitting on. I looked up at him.

 "You know what happens if you back down." I could hear Michael starting from the back of this four man group. He was cracking his knuckles. I gulped. I knew exactly what would happen, but I doubted it could be worse than going to jail. I took a deep breath and stared straight into Adam's eyes and braced myself.

 "No." The word was barely out of my mouth before one of the boys swung at me and I felt a blunt pain on the side of my face. I could feel it swelling and becoming tender. Then they were upon me, like wolves fighting over a suculent meal in the middle of a harsh winter.

........................

I went home after that, limping and holding my side. I had apparently turned down the wrong job this time cause it had never been this bad before. I sighed, easing the door open and instantly coming face to face with not only my mom but my aunt who had come into town for Thanksgiving, which was only two weeks exactly away. Instantly, both women were fussing over me when they saw the aftermath of what those jocks had done.

 "What happened?" Demanded my mother, who was gingerly moving my head towards the light to get a better look at the bruises littering my face. I couldn't tell her the truth, I never did. It would only make it worse.

 "It's nothing mom, I'm fine I swear. You know me..." I chuckled, trying to get her to relax. "being clumsy and all." I told her, giving the all natural fake smile I forced onto my face each day, every day. She was not having it but she never pressured me to get the answer, knew that I felt better writing it down than telling anyone. It was just how I was. She sighed and slumped where she stood and I felt a pang in my heart, wanting to relieve her of the stress I was placing upon her shoulders. She let me escape up to my room, talking in low hushed voices with my aunt. I breathed out a sigh of relief, and sank down into my chair at my desk. I pulled my journal out of my messenger bag and got to work.

November 11, 2010  8:00 pm

It happened again, but should I be surprised? They wanted me to help them with an alcohol run, so it as either get beat up or find myself in jail. I don't think a criminal record would look good on my college resume, do you? Man...how did I find myself in this situation? I know I've asked this before but it's a question that's always on my mind. Why? How? I don't think it's fair. I've done nothing wrong. Sure they only bully me because I'm a weak and easy target but sometimes I think they know...like actually know about me. My sexuality. My secrets. My dreams. If anyone found out, I might as well just blow my brains out, right? Okay, enough of this...depressing stuff, I need something to help me feel better.

I paused, tapping my  gel pen against my lip and looking down at my girly, intricate cursive handwriting. I sighed and closed my eyes, spinning once in my swivel chair before stopping and leaning down, writing again.

I got it, I've been inducted into National Honor Society. I'm a role model apparently. Respectful. Responsible. Good grades. That kind of thing. I've gotten straight A's all semester. So college is going to love me. That's good. My aunt is over for Thanksgiving, it's been forever since I've seen her, so it's good to have her around. A little out numbered by girls now though. My sister, my mom, my aunt, it's just me and dad, and dad works a lot since mom got fired but it's all good. I love my family. They're my support system. I just wish the people in my school could be as...supporting.

I ended it there and looked at the clock, only took me thirty minutes to write my thoughts down. I closed the journal, setting it to the side then went and joined my family for dinner.