Within the Writing

Chapter Fourteen

I convinced myself that it had all been a lie. A game and I had been nothing but a willing pawn playing on the wrong side of the chess board. Aiden had been a liar. It was clear now. I pushed aside the feelings I still, unexplainably had for the jock and ignored him the rest of the semester. I couldn't handle looking at him. In school, out of school. Anything at all. It hurt me and I was sure he didn't care.

Winter Break was exactly what I needed. A chance to relax and pull myself together. I was acting on impulse. My emotions were what I was drawing conclusions from. I couldn't have that any longer. I started thinking about everything. Exploring my options and trying to figure out my life.

"Jamison. You haven't written in weeks..." My mother walked into my room. Actually I hadn't written since the twenty-fifth of November, Thankgiving Day. My final entry having been the one about dinner at Olive Garden with Aiden on the twenty-fourth. I still couldn't bring myself to move past that wonderful memory. If I wrote anything else down, it would mean I had moved on. I couldn't. Not yet. And I didn't know why.

"It doesn't matter mom." I snapped. My voice was husky from the lack of use over the weeks and I sounded harsh and cold. My mom took a small step back and looked down at her feet. I was on my laptop, writing a story. A story filled with rage, hate, and anger. Nothing like I had ever tried to write before. This one wasn't going to have a happy ending.

"Jamie, I know you feel betrayed.." Mom started. I saved my document and turned in my swivel chair, glaring.

"No! You don't know anything mother! So just leave me alone!" I yelled and got up, shoving her out my room and slamming the door in her face before locking it. I heard muffled sobs and then footsteps fading down the hallway and my angry disposition deteriorated and I slouched, unhappy but also sorry for have hurting my mom's feelings. After all, she was only worried.

"What am I doing? Why am I letting this control me?" I was thinking to myself as I sat back down in my chair. I minimized the Microsoft Word window that had my story on it and opened up Safari on my MacBook. I went onto Facebook and scrolled through the NewsFeed aimlessly. Of course I was 'friends' with everyone in school on this social media website. That included the nasty jocks I dispised so much.

Upset that the football season is over. But can't wait to start basketball once school starts back up. That was Adam's post. I rolled my eyes and kept scrolling. I hadn't been on Facebook in a while but that was to be expected from me. I had better things to do with my life. I opened a new tab, letting Facebook run and opened up Tumblr, my second favorite social media. Admittedly, I liked some of the fanfiction they wrote on there. Call it my deepest secret if you will.

I was in the middle of reading one of the best fanfictions I had ever read when there was suddenly a loud knock on my bedroom door. I jumped, startled and exited the Tumblr tab and minimized Safari in general, still leaving Facebook running.

"Jamie, mom wanted me to get you. Dinner's ready." It was Eve's voice and I groaned slightly before getting out of my chair and walking over to my door and getting out of the room to go get dinner. My sister wasn't in the hallway when I got out. I shrugged my shoulders and practically hopped down the stairs and into the living room before proceeding to the kitchen.

Mom was at the stove, making herself a plate of Spaghetti and her eyes were bloodshot and her nose was rubbed raw while her hair looked like she had been trying to pull it out. She was also sniffling because her nose was running. I bit my bottom lip softly before walking over and placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Mom..." I whispered. I felt bad, having done this to her. I hadn't meant to snap at her like that and hurt her feelings. She has never been anything but kind and warm towards me. Everything a mom should be and sometimes I took that for granted. She didn't respond to my words and I bit my lip a little harder as I made myself a plate. She walked off to the dining room and I sighed quietly. I made my plate and followed into the dining room.

"Mom..." I started again. She was still very silent. I took a deep breath and sat beside her. "I'm sorry." She looked at me, her eyes threatening tears again and I winced. I really hated seeing mom like this especially since dad was hardly home and that already had her upset all the time.

"Jamison, it's fine..." She was telling me and I shook my head, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"No mom...I shouldn't have been rude and I apologize." I said quietly. "It's just the whole..."

"Aiden thing." Eve finished my sentence as she walked into the room, plopping down in the seat across from me. I rolled my eyes and unknowingly, in walked her boyfriend right after. I grumbled a little bit angrily and looked softly at my mom.

"Would it be alright if I ate in my room mom?" I asked. I leaned in and whispered in her ear. "I don't want to be around...them. They get lovey dovey." I explained in a hushed whisper. Mom nodded and I took up my plate, kissing her cheek, then walked up to my room, sitting in front of my laptop. I set the plate to the side and mazimized the Safari window.

That's when I saw it. A Facebook message from Aiden.