Within the Writing

Chapter Four

Despite the fact that my aunt kept asking me to tell her everything, I stayed shut up in my room with my door locked and piles of journal paper around me. I was organizing the entries, trying to put them back in order and I had some crafting supplies out so that I might be able to rebind them together. This poor thing had had it. If I managed to get it back together it was never going to be written in again, and I would definetely be keeping it here at home where it was safe. I heard a knock on my door and I opened my mouth to tell my aunt to go away, only to hear my mother's voice. 

"Jamison, open the door." She told me and I stayed there seated on the floor, continuing to fiddle with the broken pieces. "Please?" she added after a moment of complete silence. I sighed softly and pushed myself off of the floor and went over, unlocking the door and opening it, looking up at my mom.

"Yes?" I asked, my voice was raspy from crying but I had finally managed to push them away. She looked at me softly and easily reached up, cupping my cheek and running her thumb over it. I slumped and looked at my feet, catching a glimpse of something in her hand. My curiosity peaked. "What's that?" I said, trying to look around her as she hid the item behind her back. I could hear her light chuckle and I pouted, looking up into her eyes. 

"Oh a little something..." she said, leaving me still in wonder. I crossed my arms and gave her my puppy dog look and she laughed, shaking her head. "Okay, okay, fine." she told me, bring the item to the front and showing it to me. I looked at the book and a real smile crept onto my lips and I slowly took the new journal from her hands, happier now. I flipped through the hard to turn pages because it hadn't been worn in and then hugged my mother tightly, feeling her arms embrace me and laid my head on her.

"Thank you..." I whispered, my eyes were looking at the spread of torn pages on my floor. Mom must've seen them too because she let go of me and walked over to pick them up.

"You're welcome, sweetheart." She said while picking piece after piece up off of the carpet. I had already had them in order by time, day, month, and year and she picked them up in order then grabbed the scrap of leather. I eyed her supiciously and raised a questioning brow in her direction. She gave me a reassuring look and I relaxed. "I'm just going to bind it for you." She assured and I nodded. Mom was resourceful it wouldn't be hard for her to fix the journal, as for me it would have taken forever.

"Thank you...again." I said, with a little laugh as I set my new journal on my desk. She nodded, placing a hand on my shoulder then gently kissed the top of my head before leaving my room, closing the door behind her. I sighed and stared at the new journal, the fresh crisp pages just waiting for me to write on them and I did. Sometimes I had these blurbs, these urges to just instantly write and I knew if I didn't I wouldn't have the same thoughts again.

November 12, 2010 3:24 pm

Well, school should have gotten out about 9 minutes ago. Me, I've been out of school for a couple hours. This here...this is my new journal. It's not worn in yet and this is the first entry. I wouldn't even have this journal if Adam hadn't torn mine apart in the middle of English class today. Not only that but now the entire school body has to know I'm homosexual, I'm sure the guys took care of spilling that little secret. The only outed gay in school. Great. It's never been this bad, I think I said that yesterday too but no, today is the worst. I mean I can take the bullying, the hitting, the physical stuff like that, but I'm emotionally insecure. I always have been, always will be. So when they tore apart my other journal it was painful...more painful than the bruises and such that they give me. I don't know if I could ever feel a worse pain than this, but let's not jinx myself, okay?

I ended it there, the moment of inspiration gone as I heard the front door open then slam shut and the sound of rushing footsteps up the stairs and down the hall towards my room. Suddenly my door burst open and in comes my sister, home from school. She came over and pulled me into a tight hug, making me wince a little from some bruises on my body but I hugged her back knowing she worried about me a lot.

"It's about time you told me who's as..." I cut her off by placing a hand over her mouth and shook my head.

"Don't worry about it." I told her simply. "It's fine." I shrugged and she glared at me. I got squeamish under her gaze but I kept my lips shut, not needing her to get involved with my problems. She sighed, letting me win and I gave her a thankful smile.

"You're lucky I love you, Jamison." She muttered, clearly not happy with the result of my silent treatment. She hugged me again and pushed some of my hair from my face. "Dinner should be ready at five. You're actually eating tonight." she urged the last sentence and I nodded, shooing her out of my room and shutting it again.

...............................

The smell of dinner spread through the house and it made my stomach rumble and mouth water and I found myself, turning my laptop off after saving the rough draft to my English essay and slowly going downstairs. I had already switched into pajamas for the night. Tonight it was a pair of fuzzy pants and a plain t-shirt. I hopped down the stairs and headed for the kitchen, catching sight of my dad who was home for the night from work but would probably be gone by the time I woke up at six fourty-five. 

"Hey dad." I said, grabbing a plate from the cabinent and turning to look at him, momentarily forgetting about the bruises on my face. He smiled but then it faded away to a look of concern and I looked back confused.

"What happened?" He asked, walking over and tilting my chin up to get a better look at the yellow-ish bruises. I just shrugged, pulling away and walking around to make my plate. Spaggetti and garlic bread, a family favorite. He wasn't done though and as I went to walk to the dining room he caught me by the shoulder and turned me around, his voice gentle and filled with concern. "You know you can talk to me right?"

"I know dad." I said and gave a smile. "But I'm alright now. I talked it over with mom." I glanced over to her and she nodded, smiling reassuring my dad.

"We did talk, David." she renforced my words. I smiled, thankful then wiggled away and went to sit at the table. The rest of the night I passed in silence, barely speaking to anyone. Honestly I would have preferred to be alone that night but the company of family was nice too and it made me feel better. I almost completely forgot about the events of the day and I went to bed, with a smile on my face.