Within the Writing

Chapter Seventeen

He had been beaten. The doctor's released me before dinner as they told me they would and the first thing I did was ask where Aiden was. What room he was in. I was worried and the feeling of guilt was building up in my chest and stomach. I felt sick and dizzy with worry, worry I shouldn't have had. Aiden was about as much of a jerk as the other guys. The only difference? He apologized. None of the others would have in a million years.

"Sir, he cannot have any visitors at the moment." The nurse was telling me as I tried to ease my way into the hospital room down the hall. The blinds were drawn close and I could barely see Aiden over her shoulder. I sighed and stopped struggling against this woman.

"What happened?" I asked, my voice was soft and I looked up at her pleadingly. The woman sighed and closed the door behind her. We stood in the hallway and I was watching her, waiting for an answer.

"A couple of high school boys jumped him." She said softly. I cringed. Adam and his gang I was certain of it. I then frowned a little. But why? Why would they hurt their friend? I sighed and looked at my feet.

"Will he be okay?" I demanded quietly. The nurse placed her hand on my shoulder and tilted my head up. I half wanted Aiden to be the one doing that. Lifting my face up like he would kiss me. I pushed the thought away as images of Adam, Michael, Darek, and Liam all jumping Aiden formed in my mind. The thought of blood and their maniacal laughter. I clenched my hands into fists at my sides.

"He will be fine, he needs rest." The nurse snapped my attention back to her. I nodded calmly and turned and stalked down the hospital hallway. People just kept adding fuel to my fire recently. I was steaming once more. I didn't like this feeling though. This hatred and anger that burned in my belly. I had never felt like this until Aiden came to town. Then again I hadn't felt many emotions aside from fear and depression before he came to town. When he stepped into my life I experienced emotions I didn't know I was capable of. Happiness, rage, agony, helplessness, and betrayal. But most importantly...love.

"Jamison, are you okay?" I felt a hand on my shoulder and I snapped my eyes to the female figure. Of course it was my sister and she looked at me in a concerned manner. I didn't snap in fact I took a breath and relaxed a little.

"Why do you ask?" I was forcing myself to be calm. The fury was building up and I was a volcano ready to erupt. A volcano that couldn't keep from exploding fiery magma around to the little town below.

"I've never seen you so angry before..." She explained. Her eyes flashed with fear for a second and I took her hand in mine. I offered a smile.

"Then you've never seen me in love." I murmured quietly. It felt weird to say those words out loud. A small smile crept across her pale pink lips and her blue and green eyes looked at me with understanding.

"What are you doing though?" Eve asked me. I glanced at my feet and then at the door. The hatred was bubbling and I was trying so hard not to unleash the anger on my sister.

"Justice...Eve, it's fine if they hurt me." I was saying and I looked back at her and squeezed her hand hard. "but they can't hurt someone I...." I couldn't say the "l" word again. At least not when I knew I was certainly talking about Aiden. I was still confused about him, completely bewildered. I wanted to love him and trust him but I couldn't. Part of me feared him. Part of me hated him. I was still in a betrayed state and I wasn't ready to give him a second chance. I didn't know if I ever would be.

"Jamison, you're not exactly....suitable to fight anyone." She was looking me over. I was indeed very skinny and girlish. Frail. I couldn't lift weights and I was short. But I was quick. I'd have to rely on my quickness I supposed.

"But they hurt people..." I was losing it. The volcano was being subdued. Eve wasn't letting go of my hand and I was pulling against her. I couldn't even break away from my own sister, what could possibly make me think I could take on a group of four muscular sports players? I sighed and my body gave in. I slumped and looked towards the door again.

"There...now handle this the way you should." Eve was telling me. I looked up at her confused. The only way I could handle this was be quiet about and not tell anyone. That's how I had handled them all my life. They had started bullying me when I was in elementary school because I wasn't as athletic and I liked to stay inside during recess. Because I was a nerd and because I always wrote in cursive. I didn't know how to handle it differently.

"I can't." I told her softly. "I've never been able to stand up to them..." I murmured. She ruffled my hair and was smiling.

"Well...you did say they hurt people....anything else they do illegally?" She was hinting at something and I shook my head quickly.

"I can't send them to jail." I told her quickly. "They'd only be in there momentarily and then...then they'd come after me." My sister noted the seriousness and fear and sighed, shaking her head at me.

"Jamie...I don't know how you get into these situations." She told me.

"Tell me about it." I muttered. She took my arm and led me outside but I was struggling to go back in the hospital.

"He'll be there tomorrow...during visiting hours." She assured me. I sighed and nodded, following her out to her car.

"Do you have my bag..." I asked her quietly. I remembered bringing it to the park in my fury when I left the house yesterday. She frowned and tilted her head.

"I thought it was at home. You brought it with you?" She asked. So apparently she didn't see it when I left. Maybe mom had it. I shrugged.

"Yeah, but mom's probably got it if you don't." I told her. She shook her head quickly. 

"No. Mom would have left it with you, you know that. I'm pretty sure you didn't have it with you..." she trailed off when she saw the panicked look on my face. No one had my bag. Where was it?

"Hurry home." I urged her. She sped off and we were home quickly and I rushed from her car to my room inside. My bag wasn't around. I was starting to hyperventilate a little. I went to call mom to see if she had it and then I saw another Facebook message, on my phone. From Adam. It was a photo along with an actual message.

Thanks for the diary. I'll make sure to take good care of it. It was a picture of all the guys with my journal and then a second picture of the entry about Aiden and another message. Also thanks for telling us our friend was just as wrong as you. Guilt and fear sank into my stomach like a stone and I fell to the ground. Aiden's condition was because of me. I lowered my head, looking at the phone and a single tear fell from my eye. What had I gotten us into?