blurred devotion. brent faiyaz.

.《 11 》

i was lost in my thoughts & too busy focusing on my past to hear the banging at my door. i looked up, & quickly stored away the portrait. i jumped to my feet, almost knocking down my lotions and fragrances. i wiped my tears with the bottom of my shirt & walk to the door. i tried to hide my tears and clear my throat so whoever it was at my door would be less suspicious.

i stood in front of the door and straightened my back. i unhooked the chain, & unlocked the door to see brent with bags in his hands. like grocery bags.

' what chu doing here? ' i mumbled. he set the bags down, looking at me.
' i just gotchu some shit, why? problem? '
i shook my head & moved out the way to let him in. he picked up the bags once more & sat them on the kitchen counter. as brent walked towards the kitchen, i slowly took my time locking the door again to calm myself. i then dragged my feet to the kitchen.

' um, you okay tho? you look a little ion know. ' brent asked as he placed away the food he brought in the fridge. i pulled my hair back.
' nah i'm fine, & thank you for all this. '
i made my way to a bag & took out it's contents. ' i held up a package of chocolate chip cookies.
' but why did you get all this? '
brent laughed. ' women do you see yo cabinets and shit. fuckin no snacks my dude like. ' i set down the cookies & made my way to my walk -in pantry. i opened it and looked back.

' um sir, yes tf i do look at all this good shit. ' brent sucked his teeth. he walked over to me, pushed me aside & picked up a vegan snack that i had tried but didn't like. i puffed up my chest.

he raised an eyebrow, ' coconut flakes, girl wtf is this shit? ' i rolled my eyes & snatched away the bag of flakes.
' boy fuck you. '
' tuh whatever, ' brent said as he walked back to the counter. i skipped back to him & went in my fridge for some fruits.
then i took note of something. ' boy wait. why tf are you buying shit for my house. '
' bro im tryna show you some good eats. ' he tugged at me moving me away from the fridge so he could go in it. i rolled my eyes all the way back & started to peel my orange.

' but wait brent. '
he closed the fridge & leaned on the counter facing me.
' we are .. just fuck buddies, right ? ' i asked almost a mumble.
he seemed expressionless. i couldn't read him or tell what he was thinking because of the lack of emotion on his face. i grew impatient. ' you know saint, ian even gon lie to you bro. ' he rubbed his chin.
' i was just gonna fuck you & then leave. never even see yo ass again. '

' damn , ' i thought. that shit kinda hurted. i looked down at my orange.

' but , ' he continued. ' ion know there was something about you that i liked. ' i looked back up at him. he then moved towards the last grocery bag. ' & it ain't just yo tight ass pussy. ya shit good but it wasn't the main reason i stayed. ' i began to become more intrigued with brent. even though, he made me feel as though i should regret giving my body to him.
' wtf does that mean? ' i asked. i threw away my orange peel & made my way to sit on the table. he stored away the contents of the last bag in the fridge & came to sit infront of me.

' saint, idk man it's like you got a deep mind & a big heart. but you try to hide shit. ' brent clasped his hands together. i was taken aback since i was rarely even told that. ' so what chu want from me. ' i took a slice of my orange in my mouth, & watched as his face contorted because of my question.
' tbh man, ion know. but i know one thing & it's that i wanna i guess you could say get to know you. '
my eyebrow shot up.
' oh really? '
' yes girl, but ion wanna put a label to us. '
i scoffed at his response, ' you are such a fool. '
brent chuckled and leaned back into the chair.
i rolled my eyes at him, ' & what if i don't wanna get to know you any further? what if i just wanted to have you as a one night stand? what if i just wanted you for yo dick? ' i rapidly asked him these questions seemingly unbothered.

he scoffed. he leaned in foward getting closer to me. ' so whatchu tryna say girl. ' i placed a slice in my mouth & looked down at the fruit. ' im just saying, i gave my body to you the first night i met chu. ' i looked up at him, his face had confusion written all over it. i laughed.
' what i'm tryna say is that i barely know you, we had sex barely knowing each other. wouldn't you call that a one night stand. '
he perked up. ' saint, why you think i said what i said. '
there was a long pause between us. brent then placed his elbows on the table & sternly looked at me.
' saint , i want to get to know you. yo energy is something different. ya mindset is wayyy better then past bitches i used to fuck wit. now that's enough for me to want to get to know you. ur different bro. fr. '

i felt my cheeks grow warm & a knot began to form in my throat. i didn't want to speak, because i was afraid of crying out to him. i had never felt this type of affection before. his words gave me hope. a feeling i hadn't felt in years. a stranger whom i barely know gave me this feeling that i had tried so hard to find again.

i looked up at him. he was so serious, which only made me feel worse. the truth is, i wanted to feel this feeling again. i wanted to feel love. i wanted someone i could onto again. i wanted to be happy again.

' no , ' i thought. this man is a person i barely know & i'm falling for a sweet trap. my trust issues began to overflow me again. i watched as brent got up from his chair & wrapped around to sit in the seat next to me.

' saint, i know this sound dumb asf & yes we don't even know each other like that. but allow me to get to know you. '

i looked at him deep in his eyes. as much, as i wanted to diffuse my feelings i just couldn't bring myself to trust so i tried to redirect this whole situation.

' breakfast? '

' bro ' he sucked his teeth , ' u playing rn right? ' i laughed.
' aight bro i hurrd chu i'm just hungry. ' i masked my pain & continued to act as if nothing happened. he rolled his eyes at me & got up.

' whatever mane, you needa stop playing wit me. i'm being serious witchu, ' brent exclaimed as he took pans out of the cupboard. i rolled my eyes & made my way to the bathroom.

' brent i'll be right back. '
he nodded towards me & i continued to my restroom.

i quietly closed the door & looked in the mirror. my eyes were a little red & my hair was in a messy low- hanging bun. i wanted to cry so bad. my emotions were on overdrive & i just wanted to let it all go. i just couldn't at the same time.

i threw some water on my face & dappled the towel over my skin.

' whew, ' i sighed. i then regained all my courage and walked back out to just chill & forget my worries from the morning.

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a/n 🤹🏽‍♀️ - this is unedited so forgive any mistakes, i have yet to get back to 'em. thanks love ☆ .