blurred devotion. brent faiyaz.

.《 27 》

getting home, the ride was silent all the way through. not a word from both of us. i didn't know what to think, my mind felt so clouded.

we headed inside the house and i sat her down on the couch so i could run a bath for her. i dimmed the lights in the bathroom, turned on the warm water, threw some jasmine and peppermint oil in the tub to help with the stiffness in her joints, and placed a few of her favorite fruits by the tub side. i put some filtered water in the humidifier so she could breathe easy and played some slowed jazz.

walking into the living room, i was met with a half asleep amriah. she was really battered and beaten. and all for what? ian know who did it but i sure as hell was going to find out. no matter tf what. the pain she felt, they needed to feel 20 times worse. before i felt myself getting heated from my overwhelming thoughts, i shook it off and went to go grab amriah.

'' come on baby, i got you. it's okay i'm here. '' she quietly whimpered at the pain she felt and grimaced at ever step she took. i made sure to calm her with my words and guided her to the bathroom.

i helped her take off her clothes and slowly helped her to dip herself in the water. she sat there looking the opposite way from me out the window. it started raining heavily and the city lights were bright, illuminating her face.

i felt so sorry for her, but at the same time angry. my emotions were fluctuated but i couldn't continue to think about my own emotions rather her's. i took out the rag and lathered it with shea butter, african black soap and some olay body wash. i brought it up the nape of her neck and started to lather her shoulders. she flinched when i washed over a tiny cut on her lower arm.

'' i'm sorry. '' i said to her. she nodded in reassurance and i observed her still, while making my way down to her calf and feet.

'' amriah, baby i'm so sorry this had to happen to you. sis i'm sorry i wasn't there.'' my voice cracked. i tried to hide that fact. i didn't want to cry in front of her. i had to be strong for her. i had to be sanctioned. she turned her head toward me away from the window. her eyes were glossy and teary. i bit my lip to distract myself from the fact that there lay a huge painful sore feeling in my throat.

'' girl, it was not your fault. so please don't go blaming yourself for this. '' she said hoarsely. i could tell her throat was still dry, so i got up and poured some water and cucumbers in a cup for her. i placed the straw in her mouth and made sure she drank every last drop. i handed her a tiny slice of mango that i had saved from earlier and watched as she slowly bit a corner of the fruit.

she seemed so delicate and fragile as if one touch and she would shatter. again to distract myself from the knob in my throat i chewed my bottom lip. we both sat there in utter silence and took in the moment.

she then broke the silence, '' i would tell you saint. you know i would, but i think i'm going to need some time.'' i nodded my head staring at the floor.

'' c'mere. '' she held out her arms and sniffled. i got up and wrapped my arms gently around her fragile body.

i felt so much tension release from her body and i myself felt a comfortable ease.

i pulled away, '' i'll go start dinner for us, yell if you need me.''

she simply hummed an okay and took the rag while dowsing herself with water.

i left the bathroom and entered my kitchen. i took down some meat from my fridge and began to run it under hot water. leaving that there i went in my cupboard and pulled out a spaghetti pack. as i continued to break the noodles in the boiling pot of water i was taken into a thick swarm of my thoughts.

'' who tf? ''

'' why? ''

'' i should've been there. ''

'' i shouldn't have caught an atttiude with her. ''

'' i could've prevented this. ''

my mind then continued to wave towards brent.

'' what was he doing? ''

'' who was he with? ''

'' why tf has he not called me yet? ''

'' why the hell am i worried about this nigga? ''

'' i have bigger things to worry about. ''

i shook my head in remote silence. i found my self holding freezing cold beef in my hands. i set it down on the counter and threw it in the bowl to be seasoned.

as i did what i needed to do, i felt tears streaming down my face. this whole situation must be so traumatic for her. never ever did i think some shit like this would ever happen in my life. let alone my own bestfriend. this was the typa shit i would see in the news, movies, never would i think this would happen in my life.

half an hour later, i had dinner ready set on the table for amriah and i.

she had already piled herself onto my bed with soft pjs on.

as i set the last fork on the table, i went into my room to grab amriah. she was layed on my bed faced towards the window overlooking the city.

i sat right in front of her on the edge of the bed.

'' dinner's ready. ''

she breathed in deeply and continued looking out the window. i layed my head on her shoulder and rubbed her back.

'' thank you saint. ''

' mm ' i whispered.

she then gently sat up and pulled the covers off of her.

i helped her to the table, and we both said our grace before we ate.

the table was quiet, however it was a comfortable silence.

it's just i had this undeniable feeling.

things changed.

they just weren't the same. i don't think they'll ever be.

--

heyy putas i'm back. 🤍

happy new year, wishing y'all get the best outta 2021 + more.

hope you enjoyed, my bad for the wait.