blurred devotion. brent faiyaz.

.《 12 》

for the time being, brent & i ate our food in quaint peace with little conversation. however, when we did converse with each other it was funny as hell. he would always crack jokes & whatnot which made my stomach tighten & hurt from cracking up.

' so, how many siblings do you have? ' brent asked as i dug into my breakfast sandwich.

' i'm an only child, ' i said as i stuffed my mouth with the mouth-watering sandwich. he threw his head back & chuckled. i looked at him.

i licked my lips to scavenge the sauce on the corners of my mouth.
' so what about you mister ? '
he placed his sandwich back onto his plate & took a napkin in his hands. as he cleaned up his fingers he responded back,
' an ugly ass brother. '
i choked on my food & laughed out loud. he chuckled, & got from his chair making his way to the kitchen.
i took a swig of my water to make the small pieces of bread that was stuck in my throat go down & said, ' damn bro why you so mean? '

i took the last bite of my sandwhich & threw my plate in the sink. he leaned on the counter, ' trust me, i ain't the mean one here. '

i rolled my eyes & made my way to my living room. then, i heard someone's ringtone go off. i thought it was mine untill i heard brent's baritone voice speak.

' yo. yea. aight so what time? ok. fine. alright alright i'm coming. ' was how the call went.

i pretended to be focused on finding out a tv-show for me to watch. as, i settled on a show brent's footsteps echoed & made their way over to the living room. he stood over me & kissed me on my forehead. i raised an eyebrow & put on a stank face.

' what was that for homeboy ? '
he rummaged through his pockets & pulled out a set of sliver keys.
' saint, i gotta go but uh i'll see if i can call you. '

' oh okay, do you broski. ' i put my feet up on the couch & looked back at my tv screen.
' aight later, ' brent said as he made his way to the front door.
' later , ' i mumbled back.

~~~

i sat in peace watching my show, untill i heard my phone ringing. i quickly got up & made my way inside my room. i fumbled with my sheets & picked the phone up to check the caller id.

mom... is calling,

i felt my heart do a little tumble. i sat on the edge of my bed, took a deep breath, & answered.

' hey mom, ' my voice croaked.
' hey baby, how are you? ' her voice was hoarse & it cracked every 5secs.

' im good ma, & you? ' i felt a knot in my throat. i began to stiffen as she talked through the phone, on how she was doing okay.

' so when you gonna come visit momma ? '
i twisted my lips. ' i don't know mom, but i'll make plans to go over there for a weekend or sumthing. ' i stared outside my balcony window.

' okay okay my love, just wanted to see & make sure. i love you babygirl. '

my throat had lost all saliva & i began to choke on my words.

' i lov- love you too mom. ' my tounge felt like sandpaper & i was ancy to just get off the phone.

' alright, keep me posted now, ' she bellowed in the phone speaker. i nodded as if she saw.
' yes, i will. '
' alright, bye. '
' bye mom. '

i hit the hang up button & slowly laid back on my bed. i stared at the ceiling, with nothing in particular on my mind. my thoughts were too full & overwhelming. my emotions felt out of whack. my mental was drained. i felt as though my physical was at an all time low.

' God help me,' i silently whispered.