Mine (Book-1)

~Chapter 70~

[Song for the chapter: Fix you - Coldplay]

Tori's P.O.V

"Can I, uh, put on some music maybe?" I try to break the uncomfortable silence.

"No, it's fine," Nathan speaks up across from me.

"Okay, then-"

"I talked to Harper because we were not really talking." He shrugs.

"We're still friends, I want you to know that. You can talk to me, call me up whenever you want." I smile.

"But, I don't want that." My smile drops.

"What do you mean? You don't want to talk to me?" I let out a dry laugh.

"You know what I mean." Nathan finally looks into my eyes. I feel my insides melt as I look into those familiar pair of green eyes. A wave of nostalgia hits me like a shit ton of bricks. The club. The festival. The sex. The 'I love you's'.

My head starts to spin as my lips become dry, my hands start to sweat as my face falls. I hold my breath. I'd give anything to not have this conversation right now.

"I don't-"

"I still have feelings for you." Nathan looks at me with wide eyes.

"Y-you can't!" I yell.

"What? Don't you still love me?" He argues.

"Are you fucking blind? I'm finally happy right now without any complications, you can't just stride in here and ruin it for me, you cannot be this selfish!" I stand up.

"Selfish?" He stands up with me, "You ruined my life the day I saw you in that club. You ruined my life again and again, I did the same to you. We ruined each other, but it feels great. Try and tell me it doesn't."

"We can't be selfish." I repeat.

"I love you, Tori." He whispers trying to touch my arm.

"Wha- what about Francy?" I move my arm away.

"I love her too, but it's complicated. She makes me feel mad, the bad kind, but it's different with you. I feel more like myself, more alive." Nathan practically starts to beg, I try to avoid his yes.

"I used to feel that too, but I feel like myself and I feel alive with someone else now. I'm so sorry, Nathan. I can't cause any more harm to your relationship, if you want to leave her, then do it, but don't do it for me." I feel my eyes start to water.

"But what about us?" He whispers.

"I don't want anything to do with you anymore. I still have feelings for you, I do. But, I've moved on." I whisper.

"So, we just forget?"

"I already have." I nod.

"It's not that easy." Nathan shakes his head.

"Well, make it. I want to stay your friend, but I can't do that if you run after me like this." I try my best to make him understand.

"I don't want to stay friends anymore!" He yells.

I flinch, already kinda shaken from all this.

"I'm sorry. I need you, I need you in my life. You keep me sane, while everything drives me insane. I'm not blind okay? I can see you're trying to be happy, but are you really? Are you happy, without me? Think back to those few days we had, the dreams we dreamt, are you as happy as you were then?" His eyes softens up, as he nears me and cups my cheek in his palm and slowly wipes the tears away. 

I melt into his touch, as I'm forced to think back to those days. Was I happy? Am I happy now? Will I be happy? Who makes me happy? What makes me happy?

"Maybe," I hear my small voice, I take my hand and place it on Nathan's hand against my cheek, "Maybe I was Happy then, but you said it, we dreamt. We were dreaming, we thought we could be happy. But we couldn't-"

"We could, we can-"

"We can't!" I shake his hand away.

I can practically hear both of our hearts beating unsteadily. 

"I'm sorry."

"No," His eyes softens, "I'm sorry."

"It's o-" I start.

"I'm sorry for walking into your life unannounced and ruining everything. And thank you for coming into my life and giving it a new meaning." He smiles a little.

"It's okay." I smile, still not being able to steady my heart rate.

"If moving on is what you want, that's what's going to happen." He pauses, "So, what's up with you and Ian?" He gives me a genuine smile.

Just like that we sit on the ground and talk about our lives for hours, just like we used to before everything went to shit. We can ignore everything but, we cannot ignore the fact that we have an unearthly bond with each other. I can't say that I don't love Nathan Roberts, beacuse then I'd be lying. I'm trying my best to move one, that's the best for both of us.

We continue to laugh at how pathetic our lives are. Eventually Nathan leaves and I'm left alone with my thoughts. He doesn't leave before telling me that he'd take me over anyone else without any hesitation, and that he wants me no matter what. And that worked as a breaking point for me.

The next thing I know I'm putting on my shoes and sprinting out the door, I cannot hide this anymore. I made enough people suffer already. Nathan, Harper, Tyler, Francy and even Ian. They deserve better than this.

I sprint throughout the neighbourhood before finding the familliar front porch, I stand in front of the door and take a huge breath in before ringing the bell, and knock a few times. The door opens and I spot a famillier face before jumping into their arms.

"Woah, cupcake, slow down." Ian chuckles.

"I'm so sorry for coming this late." I breathe out.

"It- It's fine. We can talk in my bedroom, okay?" He smiles down at me.

My face falls and I realize something.

Shit.

"Your whole family's home right now?"I scrunch up my nose.

"Yeah." Ian shrugs.

That includes my fucking principal.