Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust

chapter 15

CHAPTER 15

HOLLY’S P.O.V

After Jason meninggalkan rumah saya and went back to his apartment, saya and Aunty Sarah duduk di ruang tamu…

Aunty Sarah mengeluarkan her cigar, a Gurkha Black Dragon… kesian juga Jason’s dunhill kena hina murah… erk…

“so?” Aunty Sarah looked at me with a hint of a smile…

“do you think I’m dirty, Aunty?” saya tanya Aunty saya dengan perasaan yang bersalah because of losing my virginity to a man who is not my husband…

“no, Cherie...” Aunty Sarah senyum lembut dengan saya… dia signal dua bodyguard dia untuk keluar dari my apartment… actually it’s her apartment… “why would you think like that?”

“I had sex before marriage…” saya menundukkan muka saya…. Rasa malu…

“like I said, Cherie… you need to test the waters…” Aunty Sarah assured me… “don’t regret it like I did, Cherie…”

Aunty Sarah’s perkahwinan telah diatur oleh keluarga… and she hated Uncle Edward until the day they divorced… she hated the sex, she hated him…. dia penuh dengan kebencian sehingga dia tidak mau ada anak dengan Uncle Edward…. ‘my baby would suffer with a bastard of a father…’ I ever heard her say…

“Aunty…” I looked at my Aunty…
“Oui, Cherie?” Aunty Sarah menyahut…
“What if… i… have feelings for him?” saya tanya dengan muka sedih…

“hate?” she asked, sambil menahan ketawa…
“No!!” saya merajuk…

“love?” dia tanya saya, sambil satu kudou menaik… saya mengangguk… “follow your heart, Cherie…”

“and if I get hurt?” I’m scared… saya takut dilukai…

“You’re a Bestian…” mata Aunty Sarah jadi tajam… “You know the game…” and she puffed her cigar into the air sambil senyum miring...

***

2 DAYS LATER

It’s my last few hours with Jason as he set to fly besok pagi…

Saya masuk ke dapur to make myself kopi suam… and Jason a hot mug of coffee… siap with the two mugs of coffee, I walked back to the living room ….

Saya memerhatikan dia menonton a comedy series dengan dahi dia berkerut… serious juga muka dia menonton something that is exaggeratingly funny on TV… 😳

“coffee…?” saya menghulurkan one mug to Jason…

“Thanks...” dia mencapai for the mug slowly then menghiup perlahan-lahan, still in silence…

Kami berdiam untuk seketika… sebenarnya untuk beberapa minit… both of us lost in our own thoughts… mata saya menembusi kaca TV…

Thinking – I know my feelings well…. Saya sedar saya telah jatuh cinta dengan Jason, as much as I tried to avoid these feelings, tapi saya gagal…

should I tell him how I feel?

Maybe I should, if this is the last time…. Say it now, Holly or forever hold your peace… tsk tsk...

“so? You’ll still call me some time?” tapi lain yang keluar dari mulut saya, saya senyum sweetly at Jason, namun dalam hati hanya Tuhan saja tau apa yang saya rasakan…

“of course, I will…” Jason smiled… “we still remain as friends? Promise?”

WHAT? Well, saya tidak mengharap yang Jason akan menaruh apa-apa perasaan sama saya… tapi masih sakit… masih sakit bila dia anggap saya kawan…