Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust

chapter 43

CHAPTER  43

HOLLY’S P.O.V

Kami menyanyi the chorus, and I can feel the effect of the song hit me so hard…

saya terkejut bila Jason menarik saya ke dalam pelukan dia, kehangatan tubuh dia membuatkan saya memejam mata and enjoy the feel of his body pressed to against my back…

Saya rindu… sejujurnya saya sangat rindu pada lelaki pertama yang telah menakluki hati saya, lelaki pertama yang saya cintai dan lelaki inilah suami dan bapa kepada anak saya…

🎶Whoa, you stress me out, you kill me
You drag me down, you fuck me up
We're on the ground, we're screaming
I don't know how to make it stop
I love it, I hate it, and I can't take it
But I keep on coming back to you
Oh, no, no, I just keep on coming back to you
Oh, no, no, I just keep on coming back to you
Back to you, I just keep on coming back to you🎶

Tapi dia jugalah lelaki pertama yang meninggalkan saya, lelaki pertama yang menyakitkan saya… lelaki pertama yang membunuh jiwa dan perasaan saya… 💔

Is it that easy to accept his silent apology?

I can feel the tears that is threatening to fall… and I can’t control it bila Jason melutut sambil memeluk saya…

I stood frozen, yet sobbing…

“I only have 7 days to call you my wife, Mrs. Choong…” His breath on my neck, his voice so sensual… “let me have these last 7 days to love you, and I promise you…”

I inhaled and hold my breath… what can you promise me, Jason?

“I’ll sign it, Hol…” DUSH jantung saya! “I will let you go again, for the second time…”

Kenapa saya terasa macam jantung saya seakan terjatuh, dirobek-robek keluar dari dada saya… How am I suppose to pick up all the broken pieces of my heart?

Jason melepaskan pelukan dia dari tubuh saya dan melangkah pergi…

Saya meratapi pemergian Jason… sekali lagi… untuk kedua kalinya... tapi kali ini dia menunduk, langkah dia tidak teratur…

It’s like history is repeating itself…

My mind flashed back to the day at the airport more than 4 years ago… and I remembered Hudson saying to me a few months after that…. ‘let the music heal your soul…’

Saya tunduk, membenarkan air mata saya menitis keluar… rasanya saya seakan dapat mendengar setiap titisan air mata saya jatuh ke lantai, melihat setiap titisan air mata saya jatuh ke lantai…

Sesaat, dua saat? Atau seminit, dua minit? It feels like forever…

I hum to a song that made me cry… a song that I loved so much, but it also hurt me so much… Kodaline’s 🎵All I want 🎵… my humming is like a signal for the DJ to start spinning to the tune of music…

** This was 4 years ago, if only you’d turn around that time, Jay…**
🎶All I want is nothing more
To hear you knocking at my door
'Cause if I could see your face once more
I could die as a happy girl I'm sure🎶

** The pain, the hurt I feel… it’s still so deep… saya menahan kesakitan yang tidak mungkin boleh hilang dengan hanya saya yang sedang menekan dada saya…. **
🎶When you said your last goodbye
I died a little bit inside
I lay in tears in bed all night
Alone without you by my side🎶