XAVIER IS DYING

Xavier is Dying: 19

Chapter 19:

Xanders POV

After showing me my room, Aries left me to get situated. The room was large, much bigger than my old bedroom. The bed lay in the corner along with a nightstand, under a large window. Facing the bed on the other wall was a set of white drawers with a tv mounted on the wall above it. The bathroom door and cupboard doors were next to the drawers and the rest of the room lay bare for your own decoration.

Chewing my lip, I let out a small sigh as I prepared getting ready for the night only to realise I left my bag in the car.

"Shit." I hissed, checking my keys were still in my pocket and heading downstairs.

Nightfall had came, surrounding the pack house in a blanket of comfort. It was soothing along with the crisp night air. Crickets were chirping but other than that, peaceful quiet was all that was left.

My car, blending with the night, stood where I left it in front of the entrance. Instead of going straight to my car and getting my bag, I decided a little exploring would do me good. I hadn't been here in months and maybe it would be refreshing to visit all the places I used to visit.

Making up my mind, I started my makeshift tour of the grounds, knowing immediately where I wanted to head. The remains of the snow, now pretty much ice, glistened in the moon light, crunching with every footstep I took.

The growing anticipation rose within me as I arrived at my old house. The living room light was still on but there was no one there making me think it just happened to be accidentally left on. I sunk my hands into my pockets and went to turn away when a silhouette came into the living room. There stood was my mum, who walked over to the fireplace and blew out the candles. Afterwards, she walked over to the light switch, shutting off the light leaving the house in darkness once again.

Deciding to move on, I continued on past the house to Bella and I's old clearing. I was anxious to visit it, remembering all the memories we had there. I specifically remember us talking about how great it'd be to find the lost prince so she could try and cook in the royal kitchen.

How things have bitterly changed.

By the time I pulled my thoughts from my head, I had already arrived at the clearing. Everything was identical to how I remember it other than the iced snow and rubble. I remembered being in a dark place when I first woke up and crashing out of it. I guess this was what it was. My crypt. My supposed eternal resting place.

I dusted off a slab of the concrete and took a seat facing the small stream. It was frozen over but the hours I used to spend watching the running water made it just as comforting as I remember.

I wasn't sure how long I'd been sitting on that rickety slab, all I was aware of was the cold chill that ran up my spine and down my arms, turning my hands to ice. I tried to blow on them to heat them up but to no avail. The coldness made me think I should head back and wrap up in the comfort of my bed but that was until I heard footsteps.

I stared at the clearing entrance in sheer anticipation of who it could be. I wasn't ready to face Bella or my family and I wasn't ready to deal with Aries again. But much to my surprise it was Ricky, the beta of the pack and Bella's mate.

"I wasn't sure if you'd be here but when you weren't in your room I guessed." Was all he said as he made his way over beside me, dusting his own slab off and sitting down.

It was silent but the stiff atmosphere hung in the air as we both struggled on what to say next.

"It's you, isn't it." Ricky muttered into the silence.

I glanced his way to see him staring out onto the frozen stream.

"If you mean what I think you do then yeah, its me." I breathed, watching the fog develop as I spoke.

"She misses you a lot, Bella I mean. She's so broken. She couldn't stand to be in her room after knowing you were in there dying. She had to stay with me and every night she'd wake up just screaming your name."  His voice cracked, "It absolutely broke her you know. So if your here, if you're sticking around for good. Tell her. If you're not, if you plan to sort the rogue issue and go lock yourself up in the castle again, then don't. Do not break her. I don't care what authority you have. Bella lost her best friend twice. When you died and when your body went missing. She doesn't need to lose her best friend again."

"I won't. Bella means too much to me. I think about her all the time. It's why I let her cook in the kitchen, you know it was her dream. I miss her so much but I don't know if I'm good for her anymore, good for anyone. I can't be there when people need me, I'm constantly undertaking more duties and I feel like a robot all the time. I don't even know why I'm here." I explained, my own voice cracking.

"Well you are. You're here and it's up to you how you spend this time. It's up to you if Xavier stays dead or not, along with everyone in his life. If you choose to keep him a memory then don't come back trying to make more memories. You have a new life now." Ricky told me, a hint of anger lacing his voice.

"I understand." I mumbled, now staring at my snow covered vans.

"The same goes for Aries." Ricky said causing me to look at him. "He's fucked up, severely, and he's dealing with his karma every day for doing what he did but Xavier, he loves you. I don't think even he realises it yet but he does. Don't give him hope. No one will blame you if you choose to keep him out of your life, its understandable why you would but jeez, don't make him think he has another chance with you. Don't let the mate bond reform if you don't want it to. Let him go, let him move on. He might not deserve it but he needs it and the pack needs it. Everything has fallen apart since you left because Aries can't hold his position due to his pain and he doesn't need that every single day for the rest of his life. So either reject him back and sever the bond or give him another chance."

I nodded, not sure if I'd be able to form any words. I wasn't sure what to do. Ricky was right on one thing though, I couldn't string anyone along. I couldn't give Bella hope if I wasn't around and I couldn't string Aries along. It was my turn now to make a decision and I wasn't sure what the right one was.

It was selfish but I wanted both lives. But I knew that wasn't possible.

"Night Xavier, or should I say Xander." Ricky said as he stood up and left.

I stayed there a while longer, thinking of everything I could possibly do. What was the best choice. What was fair on everyone? What did I want?

I was so confused.

By the time frostbite started to nip at my toes, I decided to head back and get some sleep. It had been a long crazy night and I needed to pass out.