You Know I Love You, Right? (Cedric Diggory x Reader)

Chapter 15

I spent the rest of the break thinking about Cedric.  Now that I realized I was in love with him, what would I say?  Talking to him seemed a lot easier when I saw him as a friend, but now the idea of even being near him was far too nerve-wracking.

I was dreading the start of school, not only because I'd have to see Cedric, but because I had enjoyed having alone time these past two weeks and now I would be going back to my regular routine.  I knew that with Cedric on my mind there would be no way I'd be able to focus on my classes.

On the last day of break I decided to write a letter to Cedric, telling him how I felt.  I would never actually send it to him, but I just wanted to get it off of my chest.  I took my quill, dipped it in ink and began writing.

Dear Cedric,

Ever since I was a child, I knew our connection was stronger than any other friend I had.

You became my best friend and it's been a joy to have you in my life and I can't wait for the two of us to grow old together and look back on our memories as friends.

However, recently I've come to a realization that could potentially ruin that plan we had.  I'm in love with you, I always have been and I always will be.

Your smile brightens the darkest of my days, your laugh is my favorite song to listen to, your eyes are a deep sea that I can't help but drown in, your personality is a love letter to the world.  I can't help but feel the way that I do about you, and knowing that if I told you it could ruin what we already have- it brings me a deep, deep pain.

But hiding the way I feel hurts more.  I can't pretend to want to be your friend any longer.  I want us to be more.

Being your friend has been my greatest treasure in life, and I'd hate to let go of it, so this letter will never reach you, but I hope you can feel every word it says in your heart as I write it.

Love, your best friend.

I sighed as I put my quill down and began folding the letter.  I hid it inside of my pillowcase, debating on whether I should give it to him or not, but the chance of having consequences for my actions wasn't worth the risk.

Winter break had finally come to an end.  The Hogwarts express would be arriving the next morning to bring back the students who had left for the holidays.  I spent the last few hours of the break with Draco.  I continued to encourage him to tell Harry how he felt, but he still didn't want to.  In a way, I understood him, but if I told Cedric I liked him I'd lose a friend, if he told Harry he loved him he'd be outcast by everyone he knew.

We sighed together, knowing that we'd probably both never tell Cedric or Harry the truth about our feelings for them.  We considered faking a relationship to help keep ourselves distracted, but we knew that dating again wouldn't end well.

I woke up the next morning, anxious about seeing Cedric again.  It's not like I could avoid him, he was always around me.  I'd have to give him a reason to leave me alone.

Or at least I thought I did.

Cedric stepped off the train, holding Cho Chang's hand.  He kissed her on the cheek as they parted ways to their separate dorms.

Anger raced through my body.  Had Cedric completely forgotten about the moment we shared at the Yule Ball?  Or had I convinced myself that he'd fallen in love with me as well, and that our dance hadn't meant anything to him at all?

I couldn't bear to see him with Cho, and to think that it was my fault they got together in the first place.  I felt so stupid!  But how could I be mad at Cedric when he was finally happy with another girl?  He'd found someone to bring a smile to his face everyday, make him blush when they walked side by side, and fill him with everlasting joy.  That's all I wanted for him, I just wanted him to be happy.  I was just too selfish and wanted him to be happy with me.

Cedric could never be happy with me.  I would only ever be a friend to him.