Something More

Part 26

*trigger warning*

-Harry-

After eating about a million tacos with Louis we finally decided it was probably time to get ready to go to sleep. Today has been one of the longest days of my life and this week has been the longest week of my life.

I walked upstairs where Louis was already sitting on my bed. I walked over and sat next to him.

"You full?" I asked.
"Oh stuffed."
"Me too." I laid down on my back and put My hands behind my head.

"How ya feeling?" He asked leaning down toward me and propping his head on his fist.
"Uh Okay."
"Yeah?"
"Mhmm."
"That's good Hazza. I'm going go pee and take a shower since I was walking around in the rain. You probably should too."
"Okay. I will."
"Okay Haz." He got up, kissed my forehead and walked into the bathroom.

I sat up and looked out the window toward the Side of my bed. It was really dark. Almost scary dark. You know when it gets ready to storm night becomes pitch black, yeah, that's how it was outside.

I closed my curtains and sat my phone on my nightstand and pulled my hoodie sleeve up to my elbow. The cut was still there. It was deeper than I thought it was. Looking at it made me cringe. I slowly pushed my sleeve back down and got up.

The shower began running, so I figured I had enough time. I slowly walked out of my room and down the steps Into the downstairs bathroom.

"Oh come on, where is it?" I dug through one of the small bins under the sink. I picked up the shiny blade and looked at it. I took a deep breath in. "Come on Harry, just one more. That's it. Just one."

I sat down the blade next to me and pulled up my sleeve once again. I took in a deep breath and picked up the blade. Slowly I put it closer to my skin. Then, I pressed down. Blood ran down my arm and onto my pants. "Shit." I stopped pressing and threw the blade. I held my arm with my other hand. "Oh my gosh." I moaned. The blood began to seep through my fingers. "Shit, shit, shit."

I stood up and put my arm over the sink. As quickly as I could I grabbed the towel and pushed it onto the cut. It was deep and it was starting to hurt. I couldn't decide if it felt good or not. "Why did I do this?" I whispered to myself. You're brain was telling you to. That's what it was. I had to do it.

The water stopped running upstairs. I lifted the towel up to check if it was still bleeding. "Of course." I said clenching my teeth and pushed the towel back on. "Well what am I gonna do now?"

I stopped holding the towel on my arm and searched through the cabinet for bandages.
"Dang it." I said as I slammed the door shut.

"Harry?" I heard Louis calling. I couldn't think of anything else to do other than locking the bathroom door.

"Harry, where are you?" He was coming down the stairs. I got to the bathroom door.
"Can I come in?" he moved the door knob. "Harry seriously." He knocked on the door. "Harry open this door, please."

I walked over and unlocked it. He pressed it open and stood in shock. I was ashamed. A pile of blood was on the ground and it was over over my pants and the sink. My head was started to hurt from the blood loss.

"Harry oh my god."
"Louis."
"Harry you need to sit down. This, th- it's everywhere." He started to cry. "Why baby?Why?"
"I don't know."
"Haz."
"I'm sorry."
"I know."

He walked over to me and took my arm in his hands. He looked up into my eyes before slowly pulling off the towel. His eyes went wide and he looked back up at me.

"Baby."
"I'm so sorry."
"It's okay. Let's get you cleaned up."
"I can-"
"No, you sit there and stay there. I'm going to bring you more clothes and bandages. Are you feeling light headed?"
"Not really."

"Good." He said and turned to see the blade sitting in the corner of the room. He grabbed it and stared at it. "I'm going to put this up okay?"
"Mhmm."

He walked out of the room and I sat there, on the cold tile. I don't think it was enough blood to pass out, right? I mean I would have already. It was just a deep cut. I am so ashamed that my mind told me I had to do it. Why can't I just control it? I was doing so good for months and now it's back.

It's back, the little shadow that sits on my shoulder and controls these things. It's weird because I feel happy, no that's a lie. I feel tired and worn out and overwhelmed and anxious.

Louis walked in holding a pair of boxers, a shirt, and a bandage. He sits down in front of me. "Do you want to me maybe tell me how you feel?"
"Tired Louis, tired. It's only been a few days since Gemma's accident and I can't stand it. I wish I could take her pain away. I hope she isn't feeling any, but I don't know. I don't know when she'll be awake. Louis all I want is for her to wake up. I'm so scared. What if when she wakes up she's not herself? Or she forgets everything she's ever known."

"Well figure it out when we get there baby. I have this gut feeling that she'll Be up soon. And no, it's not just me saying it because I want her to be, it's because I really feel like she will be. She's so strong and she's made it this far."
"I know."
"Good."
"I'm just worried."
"I know Haz."

Louis pulled my hoodie off and threw it over in the corner. He wrapped a bandage around my arm.

I pulled my pants and boxers off and then slipped the clean boxers on. "I want to go to sleep now."
"Okay, lets go to sleep." Louis said gently grabbed my hand and helped me up. He laced our fingers together and we walked up stairs and into my bedroom.

I sat down on the side of the bed. Louis walked over to me and kissed my cheek. "Lay down love. I'm going to go clean up the bathroom." I nodded my head and got under the covers.

-Louis-

Walking into the bathroom was like a nightmare. It honestly wasn't a lot of blood, but it just hurt me that he's back to doing this. I want to do whatever I can help him.

I went into the kitchen and grabbed a bunch of paper towels and then walked back out. I sighed then walked in again and began to scrub at the blood which has dried a bit. It reminded me of the times I would sit on the bathroom floor and stare at a blade for hours when I was younger. I only actually cut once, but I couldn't bring myself to do it again.

Once everything was cleaned up I threw everything away and made it so that you could never tell it happened. I washed my hands and ran back up the steps to Harry's room.

He was fast asleep with his arms tucked under the pillow he was laying on. I slowly got into bed, trying not to wake him up. Thankfully I didn't. I snuck a quick kiss onto his head and whispered a, "goodnight baby. I love you." I soon fell right asleep.

How are you?!? I'm doing okay, which is good. Even though it's only September I order both of Harry's vinyls off of Amazon as a Christmas present to me. I gave them to my mom and had her put them away until Christmas. I'm so excited or Christmas! I'm also so excited for September 28th!!! We all know why!! Larry anniversary :)))))))))) I wonder if anything's going to happen? What do you think?

Love you all
-c