Demons

Chapter 16

Everything around me was filled with drama. I guess it was never my fate to live a happy stress-free life. And as long as Zayn was in it, it would never be. But I can’t blame him for all my problems. I am a messed up human being. Like Louis said. I need to live with the life I am given. And Zayn happens to make that easier. All of my friends do.

“Where to?” he broke the silence, as I was curled up into a ball on the passenger seat and he sat in the driver’s seat, clutching to my hand.

“I can’t go home.” I spoke softly.

“Why not?” I didn’t answer. I don’t want to be like this in front of Lillian. Zayn repeated the question and I still wouldn’t answer. He pulled my chin to look at him as he stared at my tear stained cheeks.

“Why not? Is Sandra there?”

“No, she’s gone. But she isn’t in rehab or else we would be getting bills to pay for her to stay there.”  I spoke. I knew she went to live her drunken life somewhere far away from me, good riddance.

“So I will take you to my place.” He offered and I agreed. We drove for fifteen minutes in complete silence. He pulled into an apartment complex that looked more on the expensive side. He got out of the car but I didn’t move. Episodes of Sandra kept repeating, going to school with pounds of her makeup on to hide the bruises in the third grade. Everyone was so jealous of me and I envied everyone else for their normal home life. Mysterious men would be coming over my house during the night, hearing my mom sleeping with them with my back against the attic door. Crying and crying. My heart was hurting by now and my stomach had dropped. Zayn opened the passenger door and led me to his apartment. It was so nice. I don’t know where he was getting all of this money. Sure, his dad was rich but how is he earning anything? Oh that’s right, Malcolm. Zayn sat me down on the couch and we just sat there.

“Talk to me.” He demanded, but gently.

“No.” I cried. We were both sitting on the couch far too away from each other and I laid my face on the armrest. 

“You can, you know. Talk to me,” He mentioned.

“I know.” I did, but I couldn’t. It’s too embarrassing, and voices in my head always remind me that Sandra’s downfall was my fault. I always thought it was my dad’s death, but how could she hate me so much? That’s the question of the century, folks.

“I don’t think you do. No matter what you tell me, it will never ever be too much for me to handle. Nothing you tell me will make me change my mind about you.” Zayn said, scooting closer to me.

“What is your mind about me?” I asked, picking up my head off of the armrest and turning my body to face him.

“What I tell you might make you change your mind about me.” He said, pulling himself away from me again. “Water?” he offered, getting off the couch.

“How is that fair?” I asked, as he walked away from me. He didn’t answer me and I got up from the couch, wiped my tears and followed him. He didn’t realize that I was behind him so I tugged his hand in mine, turning him around. He was shocked by the action and backed up.

“What’s not fair?” He responded, innocently.

“Our relationship,” I said, stepping forward. “You expect me to give you everything about me, and leave me with nothing. I care about you too much to not push anything the way you push me. I depend on you for my secrets, and I’m the last one you would ever trust. I can’t go to anyone else but you. I need you so much but you will never need me to confide in.”

He took a step closer to me and stroked my hair. Something about this made it feel wrong but it felt safe. He didn’t say anything for a moment and we just stood there together. It would be so awkward for both of us if it was anyone else, but when we were together, it was anything but awkward.