Another Family (CLEXA AU)

31)Heated

An: This part is a little bit shorter than I originally wanted but trust me you'll thank me later ;)

I was crying in my bed pretty hard. So hard that my whole body was shaking. She's gone again.

I don't know what I expected. If I were Lexa I would have left too. I needed her to leave. If she saw me panicking a few minutes ago I'd be incredibly embarrassed anyways. I did make a mistake though. I told Lexa I wasn't sure if I still loved her. That's couldn't be further from the truth. My love for Lexa is what makes this whole thing so painful.

Maybe it's better that she doesn't know though. Maybe it's finally time for me to try and move on.

Suddenly I heard a knock on my bedroom door. I sat up quickly, trying to wipe the tears from my face and seem at least a little bit put together, assuming it was either Madi or Aden.

"Come in." I spoke quietly, barely able to carry my voice over a whisper.

The door swung open and Lexa was standing there, staring at me with this determined look in her forest eyes. All of my sadness turned into anger when I saw Lexa again and I felt this powerful heat take over my entire being."

"What are you doing here Lexa, you said you were leaving."

"I'm not leaving Clarke. As I walked out of your bedroom and to the front door I had a realization. Leaving is the problem. I'm never leaving you again." Lexa explained, shutting my bedroom door behind her, and walking a few steps forward so she was standing only a few feet in front of my bed.

I swallowed hard and shook my head. No. This couldn't be right. "Lexa I don't know if you can tell but I clearly don't want you here right now." I said, in a tone that was anything but friendly. She can't see my like this. I have to get rid of her.

"I won't let you push me away anymore Clarke. I love you too much."

I don't know what happened next but I know hearing Lexa repeat those words again made me snap. I no longer had control of anything I was saying. Everything I was feeling; all of the emotions, all of the pain, my entire heart, it all came pouring out. "You can't just throw around those words like they mean nothing! Do you know what the does to me?! I hate you right now!"

"You know what Clarke?! I hate you right now too!"

"Oh do you?!" I yelled, now standing up and taking a step closer to Lexa.

"I do! I have sacrificed everything for you and this is how you treat me?!"

"Oh so this is my fault now?!"

"I never fucking said that!"

"Well I'm not sure what you're saying anymore!" I yelled, taking another step closer to Lexa so our faces were only inches away. I could see the pain and the anger in those peicing green eyes that I find myself still so in love with. It only seems to be amplifying my own feelings though.

"I wish I didn't love you Clarke! You destroy me! You make me weak and everything I do is for you and the kids! I love you so fucking much Clarke and it's killing me! I thought you loved me too but clearly I was wrong!"

"Lexa, of course I love you! More then is probably even safe! And don't you dare tell me I destroy you because you are the one who has been destroying me! I couldn't even breathe without that stupid keychain you gave me! I can't live without you! You leaving almost killed me!"

"I did that so you wouldn't die! I left so you'd be safe!"

"No! You left so you could go out and be some hero on your own! You didn't have to do everything on your own anymore though! We said we would stay together! We said we would be a team!"