The Emo Trinity/Quartet Book

xofrnk60

This is the 60th chapter! To "celebrate" (even though I had no idea it was the 60th till I made this new part) I'm giving you all a gift: the gift of...

The Frank-(Ier)O-Files: The Great Puppy Heist

Attempt One was a failure.

Well, it was MORE than a failure.  I got sentenced to a week in prison for "attempted robbery". Sigh.  Attempts Two, Three, and Four were ALSO failures resulting in more prison time.  Seriously, I mean, who CARES if a couple dozen puppies go missing?  The police just like the feeling of arresting people for stupid crimes, I bet.

However, Attempt Number Three Hundred and Sixty-Five won't fail!  Why? Because it's Christmas, my friend!  Even the police will have THIS holiday off! They didn't have Easter (which coincided with Brendon's birthday this year) or Halloween (which is MY birthday!) off, but they DO have Christmas!!

However, as learned from Attempts One - Attempt Three Hundred Sixty-Four, I can't do it alone.  No, I need the best of the best to help me in this heist.  I need...

Brendon Urie and Pete Wentz.

Yes, that's right.  The two biggest dog lovers, besides me of course.  We've become good friends, but we didn't start out that way.  We met one day in a side alley, when Brendon and Pete tried to mug me.  It was during one of Monroeville's early sunsets -- I guess sunsets are for muggings, huh? Pete pinned me to the wall and said, "I've got a dark alley and a bad idea that says you should shut your mouth." I, unfazed, simply replied, "You do that, and I'll go rob a pet store and get some puppies... WITHOUT you." That hit the nail on the head -- Brendon and Pete paused, looked at one another.  Finally: 

Brendon: "We wanna come with you!"

Me: "Hmm.  No." (This was purely a bribe, to get them to tell me their skills.)

Pete: "But... we're super good at sneaking around!" (See?)

Brendon: "And we love dogs!"

Me: "Hmm.  Alright, you're in."

Brendon/Pete: "YEAH!!"

Pete: "What time?"

Me: "Anytime you want.  I've been trying to rob the pet store ever since it opened and sold puppies." (I extended my hand to them.) "From now on, we are confidantes, but never friends."

Pete: "Were we ever friends?"

After this, Brendon, Pete, and I hung out more often, discussing our "evil" plans.  We made three hundred and sixty attempts after our meeting, and all were failures.  That is, until now.  Now, the pet shop was closed for Christmas, and we were as ready as we'd ever been.  We met up outside the shop, wearing all black -- black jeans, shirts, and hoodies-- for disguise purposes (and TOTALLY not because we're emo, nope).  Using grapple guns we illegally obtained off the black market, the three of us swung up to the rooftop.

Pete, Brendon, and I then sawed open the vent on the roof with a chainsaw, and climbed in.  Only a few seconds into the vent, and I tumbled into a lower-down vent.  "Ow! Watch it!" I said as Pete and Brendon crashed on top of me.  "Sorry, Shortstack," Brendon teased, climbing off me and continuing.  (I STILL need to get my Sweet Revenge for that comment...)

Anyways, I kicked open the slat of the vent, and we dropped down into the shop.  "Who keeps the lights completely out in their shop? TERRIBLE security," Pete muttered.  "And it hinders us," Brendon added.  "But then, it also helps."

Suddenly, a frenzy of barks made us all jump.  "WHOA!" Pete cried, hopping into Brendon's arms, bridal style.  Brendon held him for a few seconds, then dropped him onto the tile.  Pete was unfazed, however, and hopped back up.  "Are those..." He started.  "I think so," I replied, walking closer to the direction of the noise.  Sure enough, a large compartment with a sheet of glass across the front greeted me.  It was filled with lots of small creatures -- puppies.

As I was marveling at the multiple colors of puppies, from all different breeds, Pete came up behind me and punched the glass, shattering it.  He drew his hand back with a wince; it was covered in small scratches from the glass.  "Smart move," I said sarcastically, but reached through the hole and gently drew out a puppy.  "Oooh, who's a good boy? Or girl?" I cooed, snuggling the puppy to my chest.  "After all these years, I finally have you!" Pete and Brendon were enjoying the other puppies as well.  There was a total of twenty one puppies -- good things come in packages of twenty one, I guess: Pilots, Guns, and now puppies.  "We each get seven of these bad boys," I told the others.  "'Bad boys'?" Brendon asked.  "More like good boys!"

  "Enough dilly-dalloning, we've gotta skedaddle!" Pete said, standing up and holding three puppies in his arms.  "Yeah," I agreed.  "Let's get up and go!" We made for the door, and our puppies followed us -- they were already used to our presence, a good sign! Pete once again smashed through the front shop window, which triggered an alarm system.  "Haven't you ever heard of a goddamn door?" I asked Pete and Brendon and I stepped through the window after him.  

"Let's Ryan Ross," Brendon suggested as the sirens continued to blare.  "We don't wanna--" Before he could finish, we heard helicopter blades whirring overhead, and a spotlight shined down on us.  "FRANK IERO!" A voice shouted from the copter.  "You're under arrest for attempted robbery -- AGAIN." I sighed, then shouted up, "BUT IT'S CHRISTMAS!" "We're like the Grinch who stole Christmas, except we're stealing puppies!" Brendon laughed suddenly.  "NOT helping, Bren," I growled.  I was determined to escape this situation -- wasn't three hundred and sixty four days in prison enough? I didn't need a full year in prison on my record.

Before I could sprint away, however, a rope shot down from the copter, and two policemen slid down it, holding up guns.  "Put your hands up!" one threatened.  "But the puppies--" Pete started.  Then he sighed, bent down, and placed his three puppies on the ground, holding his hands up.  Brendon did the same, and both of my puppy-stealing allies turned to me, waiting to see what I'd do. 

After a very, Very, VEry, VERy, VERY long silence, which I spent screaming both "DON'T DO IT FRANK! THINK OF YOUR RECORD!!!!" and "DO IT FRANK! THINK OF GERARD!!!! It's what he'd want you to do!!" (internally, of course), I finally came to a decision.  "I... surrender," I said, setting the puppies down and raising my hands.

And THAT'S the story of how Frank Iero spent a whole year in prison for stealing puppies.