(#1) 𝔹𝕚𝕥𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕤𝕨𝕖𝕖𝕥 •𝓒𝓸𝓶𝓹𝓵𝓮𝓽𝓮𝓭 •

Chapter 12 - Hate.

~Alisa~

_ Hate me, please do. Cause you're not me, and that's cool _
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The entire episode with Kambili still left me in immense shock and toxic hurt. I was still weakened by it, and undoubtedly worn out by the worry, sadness and hurt I felt afterwards. Who knew what she must've thought of me? Was that even a question? She must think I'm a selfish backstabber! A traitor, a villainess, a wicked being! She must think all sorts of bad things about me. Bad things which I do not blame her for having thoughts about.

The atmosphere around the entire mansion, was stale and beyond tensed. It was eerily quiet, pin-drop quiet, and it was a hollow dome of worry, bitterness, sadness and extreme anxiety. The most affected one - if not me - was Kambili. All through yesterday, after she had confronted me in my room, she'd locked herself up in her room and refused coming out.

Overnight, I heard sobbing and wails coming from her room - which was right next to mine. Those sobs and wails haunted my mind and erased every form of comfort or sleep I must've had or felt. They constantly bit into my conscience and repeatedly slapped into my wounded heart, causing fresh wounds to reopen each time. Knowing I'd hurt such a nice, kind-hearted soul like Kambili, made me down with so much hate for myself and my actions. I was ready to do anything to regain her trust. Even if it meant dying in the process.

It was true that I was only trying to help. It was also true that I didn't intentionally want to hurt anyone, yet, the outcome proved to hurt more people that I had never anticipated. I only wanted to do something nice for this family, and yet I was busy dancing to the tunes of the devil who'd ripped this family apart at it's seams. The devil whom I thought was an angel.

The irony!

Yesterday was purely tragic. The absence of Kamsi in this house made everyone sad. Including his father, who also seemed to be eerily quite today. In fact, everyone was. And I felt worse cause I felt I was the reason behind it all. The loneliness and immense pain I felt, was totally beyond what I thought I could bear. The last thing I wanted was to hurt these people. Or be the one to bring pain to these people.

Seriously, I wondered why I brought pain and misfortune wherever I went! I do not blame my previous foster families for kicking me out, it was good they did else I would've caused more damages to their lives. A dark feeling and gloomy cloud of absolute guilt continued to hover over me. And I found myself feeling sick to my stomach. Sick to my stomach, in such a way that the air in this house seemed poisonous to me. And in such a way that that hellhole called school was a much better haven than this house. And that was why I still made sure to escape my self-blame - even if it were to be for a second or two - and fled to school.

Unfortunately, Fate had other plans. I bumped into Mrs. Ekwegh.

She stared at me, and I stared back. I wondered what was going on in her head, and I didn't know what to think of her anymore. On one hand, Kambili could only be letting her paranoia get the best of her, and the other hand; she could be right about Mrs. Ekwegh. Her nice, warm aura and personality, could all be a facade. A bait into luring me into helping her. And if that was so, it worked perfectly well cause it had me fooled. With no suspicions whatsoever.

"Good morning, Alisa" she suddenly said, and offered a small smile.

I fumbled, and slowly returned the smile. I was seriously confused at this point, I didn't know what to do. To hate her, or to trust her at the expense of Kambili's trust. I really didn't want to have to pick sides, but in this case, I was left with no option than to do just that. Yet, I had no idea what to decide.