Not Such a Merry Christmas

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hi hi so i know that christmas isn't always exactly a happy time for everyone bc family and holidays can be complicated sometimes. so if ur struggling or experiencing anything negative or just not rly enjoying christmas. this ones for u and i'm sending love ur way

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You had mixed feelings about this time of year.

The holidays.

On one hand, it meant you had some free time to enjoy some quality time with your nearest and dearest. And on another hand, it meant that you would be potentially finding yourself in situations where you would be spending time with family members who you would maybe rather not spend time with.

When you were young, Christmas always felt so magical. Now you were older, Christmas felt more like an anxiety inducing chore.

You'd talked to Corpse about your family a many of times, because for the most part, you really did love your family so much. You felt lucky to have been born into the family you were - again, for the most part. There was one particular sibling who you wouldn't include in those feelings. Unfortunately, toxic people existed and extra unfortunately, sometimes those people were related to you. After four months of being with Corpse, he thought he had come to learn all of who were apart of your family. But then you were reminiscing on a childhood memory and when sharing it with your boyfriend, he heard a name he hadn't heard before. When he questioned you on it, he noticed the immediate change in you. The smile left your face and you went timid and very quickly, you shifted the conversation topic. You were acting in a way he had never seen you be like before, usually you were so open and talkative and here was a brother you had never mentioned and definitely didn't want to talk about.

He didn't push it any further that day, figuring you would tell him when you were ready. That time came in November, on the 25th.

You remembered it well, Corpse was going through his emails when he asked you, "Baby, what's the date?"

"November twenty-fi-" You cut yourself off.

"What?"

You were silent for a moment, you didn't realise that Christmas had snuck up this quickly. It was only a month away.

"Baby?"

"Sorry- um," you glanced to him, giving him a meek smile before continuing, "it's November 25th."

He noticed that shift in you again. "Are you okay?"

And on that day, you opened up to him. Told him about the terrible memories that haunted days that should have and could have been really happy days had it not been for a bullying, negative family member. How now, you seemed to dread Christmas because of this fact.

"Why don't you just not go?" Corpse had questioned you, he said it as if it was the most clear outcome, but it wasn't like for you. It was so much easier for him to say that then it was for you to do.

"I couldn't do that to the rest of my family."

"Why? You can see them on any other day?"

"It's Christmas, I couldn't not go."

"It's just the same as any other day if you think about it." As much as he had cared and listened to you opening up to him, it was hard for him to understand you on this. You grew up in vastly different family dynamics.

"Not to my family, it's important."

The two of you continued to go back and forth for a little bit before you realised the stubbornness you both shared wasn't going to allow you to take in the other's perspective.

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