Mine

[19]

Draco was still unconscious when I came to visit him after dinner, but Madame Pomfrey said I could sit with him until visiting hours were over. I sat beside his bed, taking in his pale complexion. He looked so peaceful. With the sheet pulled up to his shoulders and his face still, I imagined that's how he would look if he were dead. I instantly grimaced, cursing my brain for even going there. For a moment, before Snape had come into the bathroom, I really thought that I could lose him. But I hadn't. He was breathing. He was going to be okay.

I took his hand in mine, wishing that I could see his grey eyes. I knew though that he wouldn't be waking up for a while. His body needed time to heal. And honestly, he could use the sleep.

Madame Pomfrey made me leave when it was almost curfew so that I could make it back to my dorm without getting in trouble. I felt too on edge to sleep, so instead I sat alone in the common room, staring blankly at the fire. While I hadn't lost Draco today, I couldn't help but think about the future. Voldemort was known for ruthlessly killing people without a second thought. If Draco didn't finish whatever it was he was assigned, or didn't do it to Voldemort's liking, would he kill him? He couldn't. Draco was just a boy. He wasn't even seventeen yet. But I knew that didn't matter, not to Voldemort. It sure as hell didn't matter when he faced a baby Harry.

I shuddered, unable to sit in my thoughts that were rapidly growing darker. I decided to sneak back to the hospital wing, knowing that seeing a breathing Draco would make me feel a little more at ease. I knew from experience when I had to spend a night in the hospital wing back in third year that Madame Pomfrey made less frequent rounds late at night so that the students under her care could sleep.

I peeked my head inside of the hospital wing, finding Madame Pomfrey's desk to be empty. I quickly crept to Draco's bed, trying to be as silent as possible. To my surprise, Draco was laying there, staring blankly at the ceiling. He didn't move in the slightest or acknowledge my presence as I came to the side of his bed, making me wonder if he was actually conscious.

"You shouldn't be here." Draco said emotionlessly, his eyes still trained on the ceiling.

"I just couldn't sleep and needed to see you." I said quietly, a frown tugging at the corners of my lips. "How are you feeling?"

"I could've died." Draco said.

"I know." I murmured. "I was so scared." When Draco continued his empty stare at the ceiling, I inched closer. "Please look at me."

Draco turned his head slightly to the side, just enough so that his eyes met mine. I felt my throat tighten the way it does when you know you're about to cry. Draco may have been looking at me, but it was as if he was looking right through me. There was just nothing there. No emotion. Not anger, pain, sadness...nothing.

"He should've just done it." Draco said. "He should have killed me."

I gasped, shaking my head quickly. "Do not say that." I said sternly.

"It's the truth." Draco shrugged. "Everyone's lives would be so much easier if I were dead. Including yours."

"Do not say that, Draco." I hissed, tears pricking my eyes. "That is not true."

"But it is." Draco said simply. "I have done, and I will continue to do a lot of bad things, but the worst thing I've done was let you love me."

"You don't mean any of this, Draco. You've had a long day. You've been through a lot. You're just not thinking straight." I said, my words coming out in a rush.

"What happened to the Gemma that would say fuck you and storm off?" Draco asked, his eyes returning to the ceiling.

"Is that what you want? You want me to say fuck you and just walk off?" I scoffed, rolling my eyes. "I don't know if you're trying to pick a fight with me so that I give up on us and you can protect me or if your brain hit the floor too hard, but you are being absolutely ridiculous."