Mine

[62]

The next morning, I wrote to Hermione. I still felt sick to my stomach from the events that unfolded the previous day. I already knew that Hermione was going to have some words to say in response, though I wasn't sure she'd actually write what was on her mind since I was sure my letter had given her a peek into my own mind.

I really fucked up this time, Hermione. I went over to Blaise's like I said I was going to, but I really fucked up. I didn't tell him anything. Instead I slept with him. And to make matters worse, right after Draco started knocking on his door! And Blaise got dressed and let him in and I'm sure I looked a mess and Draco realized what we'd just done because then he accused me of not telling Blaise and then told Blaise himself that we had slept together. I know I fucked up. I know this is my fault. But I don't know what to do. Blaise told me I should leave, so I did because I honestly didn't know what else to do in that moment. Not with both of them standing there in Blaise's kitchen. I honestly don't know what I was thinking. I mean, I clearly wasn't thinking! I don't know what I'm supposed to do now. I mean, I don't think Draco really has the right to be truly mad since he knew about Blaise and me. If anything maybe a little hurt and offended. But I know that I really fucked up when it comes to Blaise. I never never wanted to hurt him. I don't know how to fix it with him.

I sent off the letter and sat at my desk, feeling defeated. I felt like such a shit person, but I couldn't not tell my best friend. Even if she were to judge me for my actions. I knew when it came down to it, Hermione was probably the one person who wouldn't berate me for my actions. She may tell me I'd really, truly fucked up, and she'd be correct, but she'd still help me through it. Not that I deserved her help.

* * *

Knowing that I had to return to work today, in the same place Blaise worked, made me extremely anxious. I knew it wasn't likely that we'd actually cross paths based on the fact we were in different departments, but it still made me nervous. I knew I had to talk to him, I had to say something. Explain myself, apologize, whatever it took. He was the last person that deserved to be hurt because of mine and Draco's fucked up connection.

When I got home from work that day, I decided to write to him.

Blaise,

I know I'm probably the last person you want to hear from right now, but I needed to tell you how sorry I am. I know what I did was extremely shitty. I never should have slept with Draco, I know that, but I definitely should not have slept with you afterwards and not have told you. I don't know what came over me to act in such a manner. Can we please get together to talk? It would mean a lot to me.

Gemma

By the time night had fallen the next day, Tuesday, I still hadn't heard back from Blaise. Nor did I hear back from him Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday. By the time night had fallen on Friday, I decided that I needed to write him once more. And Draco as well.

Blaise,

I understand that you probably do not want to hear from me. And I know that I should probably just leave you alone, but I can't just pretend that Sunday didn't happen. I feel so awful. You never deserved any of this. I never wanted to hurt you, and I really did think I was past Draco. I know that doesn't mean much when it comes from me based on the events that happened, and just from these written words. But I truly mean it. I never wanted to hurt you.

Gemma

I sent the letter off to Blaise, once again, sitting in silence for a long while afterwards before I finally pulled out another piece of parchment to write to Draco.