Mine

[5]

It had been about 2 weeks since I found Draco crying in the Room of Requirement and ever since, things had been different between us.  We were basically inseparable.  I always found Draco to be by my side, unless I was spending time with my friends in Gryffindor.  That was about the only times I could think of that he wasn't with me.

"Draco." I said softly, putting a hand gently on his shoulder to not startle him.  We were sitting in the Great Hall for dinner, but he had yet to touch his food and instead was staring at the table.  I never asked why he was crying that night, but I knew something was up with him.  Something heavy.  "You need to eat."

"Thanks." Draco mumbled, giving me a small smile as he cut a piece of his chicken.  I was worried about him, but I knew that me being there for him was helping.  Even if it only helped to a minimal degree, seeing the dark bags beneath his eyes and the way his mind always seemed to be elsewhere, I knew he would be much worse off if he didn't have me.

We ate in silence, but this was a comfortable silence.  Blaise was sat across from us, cautiously eyeing Draco before he looked to me with a questioning look.  I simply gave him a small shake of my head.  I knew Blaise was growing concerned, he had told me himself.  But I think seeing Draco and I together so often confused him more than anything.  Even Pansy had given up her persistent attempts at touching and cooing over him, but she always seemed to be nearby scowling at us or shooting me death glares.  I couldn't care less.

*  *  *

Later that night Draco and I were in the Room of Requirement, his arms wrapped around me and a small smile playing on his lips.  We were still naked as we sat on the couch and had been for the last hour.  Things had changed drastically when it came to our intimacy.  I mean, we still had heated, rough sex, but his demeanor was different.  He gave me genuine smiles.  He always smiled at me and gave me a kiss on my forehead after we finished and wanted to cuddle or talk for what could be hours after.

Quite frankly, it scared me.  Although I did like this side of Draco, I didn't know what to do with it.  There was a reason that I liked our meaningless, rough sex.  There were no feelings attached.  There wasn't extra time spent together.  There was no essence of a 'friends with benefits' situation.  Because including those things was a dangerous game.  That's how feelings are formed.  I had never been in love nor did I have any desire to be in love.  The way I saw it, there was plenty of time for that after I left Hogwarts.  I was still so young in the grand scheme of things that if I were to fall in love now, it likely would not work and if it did, I wouldn't have experienced what life could have to offer outside of these walls.  Despite these nagging thoughts that continuously presented themselves in the back of my mind, I knew I had feelings for Draco, and they were continuously growing.

*  *  *

Another week had passed and Draco and I were once again in the Room of Requirement.  He was on top of me, staring at Merlin knows what over my head as he thrusted into me.  In the three weeks since I found him crying, we had sex more frequently than ever.  I knew it was an escape for him.  A distraction.  And I didn't mind being that distraction.  But things had once again changed over the course of the last week. 

Initially things had gone from our arrangement strictly being meaningless sex to him being sweeter and more affectionate.  Now it was neither.  Now I felt like a toy more than I ever had.  The thing was it wasn't even pleasurable for me.  He was just on top of me, thrusting away without any emotion.  He might as well have been fucking a doll.

As that last thought flicked into my brain I realized just what I was letting happen, and I couldn't do it.  "Draco." I said quietly, laying a hand on his chest.  Draco didn't seem to notice I had spoken at all, so I gripped the fabric of his shirt, giving it a tug. "Draco. Stop."

His eyes immediately snapped down to me, his movements coming to a stop, but he didn't say a word.

"Can you please get off of me." I said harshly, pushing at his chest.  I could see the confusion pass over his features as he immediately pulled out and sat up on the couch.

"What's wrong?" He asked me.

"What are we doing?" I asked, curling up to cover my naked body.  My eyes flicked over to him, who had nothing covering him waist down but still had his unbuttoned shirt on.  "This isn't – you might as well be fucking a pillow!  What is going on with you?"

Draco's walls visibly went up as his face broke into a dark scowl. "Nothing.  I thought we were fucking."

"Yeah, we were but it was literally just you pounding into me as if it could have been anything or anyone!" I said lowly, narrowing my eyes at him.  "It doesn't feel good.  It isn't pleasurable for me.  It – it feels dirty."

Something seemed to snap in Draco when I said this.  At first his eyes widened and then his facial features contorted into a vicious sneer as he jumped up from the couch.  "I don't need this! I don't need you!  How dare you come at me, blood traitor.  You're just another dirty fucking slut."

His last statement hit me like a slap across the face.  I was so stunned that I couldn't move let alone think of a reply.  Even when we had started hooking up he had never said something so belittling, and it hurt.  After a moment of tense silence, I stood up to get dressed.  Draco didn't say anything to me, turning his back to me.  Once I was dressed, I turned back towards him with my mouth open, but I couldn't think of anything to say so I just shook my head and left.

Once I was in the safety of my bed I pulled my legs up to my chest, hugging myself.  I knew who I was, and I knew I wasn't a dirty slut, but his words stung and the tears that silently slipped down my cheeks were a reminder of why I never wanted to catch feelings in the first place.