Mine

[59]

Here I was, sitting all alone in my room on a Friday evening. I had sort of been avoiding Blaise since my talk with Draco because I didn't know what to tell him. I also hadn't heard from Draco since he'd left my house nearly a week ago. What really killed me was that I had no one to talk to about this situation. This seemed to be a common trend as of late. I was constantly thinking about how badly I wished that Hermione were around because my current predicaments weren't something I couldn't talk with Blaise about. Especially since I'd fucking slept with Draco.

I had put off telling Hermione. Mainly because this wasn't the kind of conversation that I wanted to have with her through letters. I wanted to be face-to-face with my best friend and to actually hear her voice as she gave me advice and see her facial reactions to what I had to say. I just wished that she could be here with me. At this rate there was maybe a month left in the school year, but I couldn't very well wait that long to talk to her and figure out what to do with myself.

I grabbed a small bit of parchment paper and wrote out a very simply message to Hermione.

I slept with Draco. – G

I attached that simple note to the foot of my owl, sending her off to deliver it to Hermione. Life would be so much easier if I could just have a night with my best friend. Or if I had other friends that weren't at Hogwarts that I could talk to.

I needed new friends. Although, at the same time, that wouldn't really help because new friends wouldn't understand the gravity of the situation and the history between Draco and I.

I sighed, staring out the window as if a response was going to come automatically. A knock sounded from my bedroom door, turning my attention in that direction. "Come in," I called out.

My mother opened my bedroom door, giving me a small smile. "You've been quiet this week." She said softly, raising her eyebrows at me.

"Yeah, I've just been trying to figure things out, I guess." I said, shrugging my shoulders slightly.

My mother nodded, entering my room and making her way around my bed so that she was sitting on the edge of my bed, facing me as I sat at my desk. "Do you want to talk about it?" She asked.

"Not really." I sighed, shaking my head. "I just wish that Hermione was around so that I could talk to her. Not that, like, I don't feel like I can talk to you, but –"

"I get it, Gemma," My mother said, chuckling softly. "Don't forget, I was your age once too. It's always different discussing these things with your best friend."

"Yeah," I nodded, "I guess I just feel sort of lost right now. I don't really know what to do, or even what I want to do."

"I want you to listen to me, and I mean really listen to me, Gemma." My mother said, leaning forward as she looked at me intently. "I know that what I'm about to say might sound cheesy or cliché, but just hear me out. People search for a real connection or bond, sometimes for their entire lives. Listen, I got lucky finding your dad when I did. Some people search for that kind of connection for their entire lives. Some people find it and recognize it as toxic, and then spend the rest of their lives for looking for something equivalent or better. If you think you've found that with Draco, you need to fight for it. If you think that your father and I didn't have our ups and downs, then you're wrong. Everyone has those ups and downs. The real question is whether or not it's worth fighting for."

I frowned at this, despite knowing my mother had a point. I wanted to believe that maybe the toxic didn't define us. "It would just be helpful if I had Hermione here to give some insight." I finally said after a couple of minutes of silence.