The Wolf Within BOOK ONE (COMPLETE)

Chapter Twenty Four: The Pain of Losing a Pack pt. 1

Chapter Twenty Four: The Pain of Losing a Pack pt. 1

"My dragon," Phoenix whispered, the pain in his voice, "Please eat."

I simply turned over in the bed, away from him. It had been a week since...since Amber took over and banished me. The pain continued in waves. My wolf was hurt—we were hurting. The pain of being banished was cold and relentless. It felt like I had been thrown into a dark hole, I felt unwanted.

I had been discarded by my family.

I had lost my place in this world.

"Should I get Dawn?" Phoenix whispered.

Beside him Bear grunted, "No. Not in this state. She might hurt her."

"She would not."

Bear sighed, "She would not intentionally. My Alpha, you've never felt the horrors of being banished. It will pass but the process is painful. The mental anguish impossible."

I sat up quickly, anger filling me, "Get out."

"My dragon," Phoenix whispered, his face looking so sad.

I could only glare at him, "You! This is your fault! You took me away from my home! My family! I hate you! I'll always hate you!"

Bear growled lowly, making me face him.

"What?" I snarled.

His eyes narrowed, "Our Luna needs time I think."

"Fuck off," I snapped.

He sent Phoenix a look before leaving. I looked towards Phoenix next, whose face hardened and now he stood firm. I knew it was a rouse, he was attempting to act like my words didn't hurt. But I wanted him to hurt, I wanted him to feel what I felt.

I wanted him to feel the loneliness that sat in my heart.

"You can fuck off too," I hissed.

He tilted his head, "You don't really want that."

"Trust me," I laughed bitterly, "I really do."

We stared at each other, however I couldn't even be angry because my sorrow was too great. Looking away from him, my gaze stared at the widow. The sunlight danced through the open window, it's curtains dancing in the breeze.

"I can wait forever for you," he whispered.

I looked back to him with tears in my eyes, "Liar."

"What?" he gasped.

"I called you a liar," I yelled, "You didn't seem to care for a mate when you crowned Uaria as your first Luna. You're a fucking liar. You didn't even want me when I got here."

His eyes widened, "Wyren, that will be enough."

"No!" I screamed, "It is not! You made me fucking prove I was a worthy mate and how about you? When did you ever prove yourself to be a good mate to me?"

He was silent, turning his face from me and towards the window.

So I continued, "You have been a horrible mate, and then you get me banished from my pack? From my sister? I don't want you!"

I panted, forgetting to breathe in my ranting. My anger melted away and it turned to sorrow and guilt. I knew my words hurt him, and yet I couldn't bring myself to apologize. Perhaps, I wanted him to abandon me too.

Then, I could give into the loneliness completely.

"I have seen many, many of my members go through this," he said suddenly, turning towards me, "I know the pain of loneliness and I'm sorry for hurting you. However, if hurting me makes you feel better then I will take every blow. I'd hand you a knife myself, if that helped."

I sobbed silently, "I-I don't want you."

"I know," he whispered, "But perhaps one day you might. Until then, I will spend every day proving myself as a mate. I don't deserve you, but I will try to."

I turned onto my stomach, sobbing into my pillow. Crying until I fell into a dreamless sleep.

"I know you're worried but you still have a pack to run."

Bears voice.

Phoenix sighed, "A rogue has never suffered so long."

"But she is not any rogue," Bear said, "She is a Luna who must mentally recover while locked in a bedroom. And she is also a rogue who has no way of moving on. She is kept from the pack members, the pack life, everything. She also has the weight of your past which reminds her you once had a luna. She feels like an outsider here, and now also a replacement luna."

I stirred awake and the two grew quiet.

"My dragon?" Phoenix asked, testing the waters.

I looked over at him. Everything Bear had said was true, and yet I had woken too early. I had seen the suffering on Phoenix's face and it only made me feel worse. Trying to push him away hadn't worked. I needed to try and pretend.

Maybe one day I could believe it myself.

"Good morning!" I chirped bubbly.

They looked suspicious of my new behaviour. I pulled a fake smile onto my face and tilted my head. It was going to be hard to convince them but I had to try.

"Can I have some bacon?" I giggled.

Phoenix's eyes sparkled in hope, "I'll get you some at once."

He left but not before sending me a final look. He left the room, leaving me alone with Bear. Who, I knew was not believing my rouse. It only reminded me that tricks were not and could never be one of my talents.

Among all my other failures.

"He could simply read your emotions," he stated, crossing his meaty arms over his chest, "But he's choosing not to. Do you know why?"

I tilted my head, forcing my smile to grow, "Because my suffering is too much for our Alpha to handle."

"No," he replied, "Because he is giving you space. He doesn't wish to take anything else from you, your privacy is one of those things. He could easily alter your emotions, all mates can. But you know this, and yet you didn't attempt to change his emotions through your return."

It was true. I don't know why I didn't try.

Because I didn't want to hurt him.

I turned my face away from him, "Go back to your mate, I don't want you here."

"You are not my Luna yet," he replied, "Pretend to be happy if it helps. We all cope differently, I hope however, you don't let your sorrow drown you. You are not packless, this pack is your home and there's no one here who thinks you are not worthy of our Alpha. You have won them over and earned your place as Luna."

I said nothing, and didn't dare move, my smile had melted.

But I was sure he was wrong.

"My dragon," Phoenix said, returning, "I've brought you bacon."

I turned back, my fake smile back on my face, "Yay! I am starving!"