Ahgase's Spirit

Chapter 1: Questions

"OPPAAAAA~!!"

"Oppa, look at here please!"

"Kyaaaa~! Jackson oppa! I love you!"

Jackson just lowered his head. The path from the arrival to their car that normally will just need five minutes but nowadays the time getting longer. His body not feel really good in these few days and he really hope he able to get into the car and get a quick nap before he needs to attend the next schedule afterwards.

However, when he finally succeed get into the car he still waved to the fans and give a heart sign with his finger.

"What a long journey, right?" his manager asked.

"The journey from the arrival hall to the car is much tiring than the journey from Hong Kong to Korea," told Jackson.

"That's because you're an idol."

Jackson closed his eyes while sighed. 'Yeah... I'm an idol. They're my fans that made me for who I am today. But... is that wrong if I say I'm tired for all of this for once?'

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"NO, this is not right." JYP stopped listening the song after 15 seconds.

Jaebeom heart sank for the nth time. This is the eight times he asked JYP to listen to his song but still none of it got green light from that man. He looked at JYP waiting for the comment.

"The melody is not right. This is too western style," commented JYP.

"But... I like this kind of style," said Jaebeom.

JYP nodded, "I know but I've told you many times before that even you feel this kind of style is the best in this world, but if this is not people want then this won't make money."

Jaebeom not saying anything.

"I don't care if you're going to put this song in soundcloud or any of your personal music account but if you're going to propose this song for Got7's album, I'm sorry that this won't make it. Well, if you really confident with this you can propose this song during meeting with other higher-ups. You know that I'm not the only one who make the decision, right? But as your senior in this industry, I can tell you this is not the right song for Got7. This is not Got7's color."

"But the members like it," told Jaebeom.

JYP smiled before shook his head, "What you or the other members like, doesn't mean public will like it. We're talking about industry, Jaebeom-ah. We're talking about money. If we choose this song, meaning we're going to invest in this song. We invest to get return. You get what I mean?"

Jaebeom sighed but then slowly nodded.

JYP patted his shoulder, "Don't worry. You can keep trying. You are talented but make sure you use your talent for music that suit your image as idol. Remember that you are an idol and your job is making music that please people not music that please you."

JYP left Jaebeom alone in that room. Jaebeom let out heavy sigh before took out his phone to call out his friend. He wants to have some drink to ease his head.

He called one of his best friend since high school, "Oh, Jiheon-ah! Are you free now? How about we go out to have some drink?"

"Drink? Are you crazy? It's 2 p.m.! How can I drink in daylight during office hour?" asked Jiheon.

Jaebeom just realized the time when he looks at his watch, "Ah, that's right! I don't see the time. Urmm... what about tonight?"

Jaebeom can heard Jiheon sigh before said, "Jaebeom-ah, today is Wednesday. I still got work tomorrow and I have important meeting tomorrow morning. How can I be drunk in the night before?"

"Ah... really? Sorry I didn't think about that. Maybe I will ask Woojin or Taehyun."

"Look, Jaebeom-ah. I'm so sorry but I really busy these days. Everything coming once like no tomorrow I feel like..."

"Yeah, I understand."

"No, you don't."

Jaebeom flinched to hear Jiheon suddenly said that, "What do you mean?"

"You don't understand how we, office worker felt. Woojin and Taehyun? They're in the same boat like me. We're struggling to build our career now. We're not like you. Our life is not the same like yours and never be the same. Maybe if you're not an idol you will understand what I'm saying."

Jaebeom bites his lips, "Okay, I'm sorry for disturbing you. Let's drink some other time when... we all got time."

After hanging up Jaebeom looked at his phone. He doesn't know if this is coincidence or what but unfortunately today his heart hurt twice because of JYP rejected his songs and his friend's words.

He raised his head. He saw himself through the glass that connecting to the recording room but because of that room now empty so that dark room can make him see his own reflection.

"Idol. I'm not allow to do music that I want because I'm idol. My life is different with my friends because I'm an idol. I can't do what I really want because... I'm an idol."

Jaebeom looked at the wall in that room. There are few poster of JYPE artist on the wall and one of it is Got7's A poster. He get up from the chair and walked to the poster. Jaebeom stared to himself that smiled brightly along with the members. Years been passed since he started his journey as idol. Compared to other members, he and Jinyoung started this idol life longer than them.

But... until when is he going to do this?

The question suddenly whispered in his head. He loves music so much that no one can ever understand how deep his love in music. He lucky to have music as his path career. He literally living dream-like life but... is he really happy now? He's flying but somehow he feels like his wing getting tied with an invisible string that make him couldn't spread his wing wider.

Idol is his job but what he really want is... to be an artist.

He wants to be an artist that can freely spread his wing to do all kind of music that he likes. He wants people to learn more about the music he likes. He wants to express more in music that he likes. But being tied with his commitment as idol, those dream seems hard to achieve. He lost his teenage and youth time preparing to be an idol. He may succeed in his career and he has millions of fans out there but he needs to pay a lot for those too. He lost a lot to achieve those things and now... he feels like he's regretting his choice. Is that worth all his sacrifice? Is this what he really wants?