"That's me" // Xukun's FF

Chapter 28

Xukun’s POV

“I’m pregnant with your baby, Xukun. I was afraid to come here earlier because we had an affair but…it’s your child.”

What? I look at the girl totally speechless. I don’t even know how to react. I regained my memory. I wouldn’t do this to Nana. Never. I have loved her too much.

Suddenly someone grabs my hand and in no time I’m in a practise room. Ziyi stands in front of me furious. His fist goes up and soon I can feel a strong impact on my left cheek. It burns but I don’t say anything. I don’t even know what to say.

“How could you do this to Nana?! She loved you so much! You’re the worst human being I have ever met! Her only mistake in life was loving you! Why will she have to pay a price for such a simple thing?! You are her everything yet you do something like that! She f*****g loved you, Xukun!” he yells. I can feel the tears running down my hot cheeks. The only thing that hurts me is my heart. It’s like my inside is dying even though it’s not true. It can’t be true.

“I know…” I manage to say quietly. Ziyi seems to be getting ready to hit me one more time but he suddenly stops in his tracks. He looks at me confused with watery eyes. Why does he react like that? Out of nowhere the door are being open and Yanjun walks in nervously. Ziyi doesn’t seem to care as he stays in one place. “What do you mean, Xukun? What do you know?”

“I know that Nana loved me and that she still does,” I confess. Yanjun and Ziyi look at me shocked. The moment has come. They were even more unprepared for this than me. But what is the point in hiding anymore? I wait for them to say something but their mouths are closed. I wonder if they can hear my heart beating rapidly. Or maybe it’s not mine but theirs.

“How long have you known that? When did you find out?” Yanjun asks. I can’t tell what kind of emotion lingers on his face. For sure he doesn’t seem happy. Just like Ziyi. The air is heavy and it slowly gets harder and harder to breathe. Why do I suddenly feel somehow nervous?

“I started recalling things short after the accident. I couldn’t make the whole picture so I kept quiet. I felt you hide something from me so I just observed and waited for new memories. Most of them I recalled on Qinjia’s birthday but long before I started to think that there was something between me and Nana but I was too afraid to ask. I was too afraid I might be wrong or that you won’t tell me the truth. I still had to find some proof. I thought that those memories might be just my imagination but…I saw the ring I gave to Nana on the prom. I remember it perfectly. And I know it’s impossible I got that girl pregnant,” I say. They are still surprised. I don’t know if they feel ashamed or maybe disappointed in themselves. However it is their turn to talk.

Yanjun looks at Ziyi, who glances down on the floor, and speaks up. “We’re sorry. It’s not like we wanted to lie but…”

“But what? Why didn’t you tell me anything? I mean doctor maybe said that you shouldn’t force memories to me but you were clearly hiding it from me. This is the thing I can’t understand from the very beginning,” I explain and wait for them to talk.
Yanjun sighs deeply and glances at Ziyi. “I don’t think we should-“ Yanjun starts but Ziyi cuts him off. “Because she doesn’t want to force you to love her,” he says and sends me a sad glare. He doesn’t have to say anything more. I do understand it perfectly. It somehow doesn’t surprise me. It is something I would expect from Nana. I think she was too afraid she would be rejected by me. After everything I have done. She must have been too scared. She had a point here…I don’t think I would believe her at first. If she told me the whole truth and how I treated her shortly before the accident I wouldn’t believe her.
“I wasn’t good to her before the accident-“