"That's me" // Xukun's FF

Chapter 17

Nana's POV

My hands are sweaty as I hold onto a doorknob. Stephanie Lin waits for me inside but somehow I can't force myself to open the door. I'm too afraid to look into her eyes and hear the whole truth. I cannot be sure if her relationship with Xukun was really a doctor-pantient one or more.

I finally open the door and hesitently come inside. In front of my eyes appears almost middle aged woman sitting in her desk. Her hair is black and I can see some grey strings. Her face is neat however a signs of tiredness are clearly visible. I look at her fingers and notice a few rings on it.

"Come sit, you are," she starts and looks at her computer to probably find my name. I made an appointement with her through a secretary because only her phone number was written on the website. "Nana Lu," she ends surprised as if she knew my name.

I come closer and put the photo of her and Xukun in front of her. She widens her eyes watching the picture carefully. "What was your relationship with him?" I ask trying to keep my tears in and stop my hands from trembling. I sat down breathing calmly waiting for the woman to explain herself.

"So you are this Nana," she says looking into my eyes. There was something strange about the way she said that. As if she had discovered I was an alien.

"What do you mean?" I question confused. "I asked what is your relationship with him...please tell me the truth," I say still keeping my voice low. I breathe in and out deeply waiting imaptiently for Stephanie to speak up.

"I didn't have an affair with him if that's what you worry about...but...I'm not really sure how much I can tell you since he was my patience," she explains and I know she has to keep her conversation with Xukun a secret but I have to know. I have to know so I can understand what was going on behind my back. Without my knowledge he came to the therapist and I would be clueless if someone hadn't sent that to me.

"I know...but I have to know. He was in an accident and I don't think he remembers you since when he woke up he didn't remember me nor that his mother has been dead for over three years. He didn't remember she was ill," I say the truth. Lying is useless now. If I want to hear the truth from her she has to hear the truth from me first.

"Did you tell him about you?" Stephanie asks taking me abak by her sudden question. However I should have expected that.

"No...I don't- I just...I-I don't want to-" I try to say but words are stuck in my throat. It is so hard to say it to the stranger. I have never liked talking about stuff like that to people I have just met.

"You didn't want to force him to love you, right?" she says and I nod my head hesitantly. She's good. "Okay, then...I'll tell you. You know that he had been drinking and it caused many argument between both of you. He confessed he even had rised his voice at you even though he knew he shouldn't. He told me that he had tried to stop however something didn't let him. He wasn't addicted to it I can swear he just had problems with solving some issues. His confidence went down because of the stress caused by his job. He didn't want someone to witness him coming to the clinic so he asked me to meet in a subburbs. And I think that's all," she explains taking my hand into hers. I can't stop my tears so I just let them fall freely as my heart ache from the pain.

"It's my fault, right? I should have taken a better care of him," I trail off trying to wipe my tears with a second hand. Stephanie offers me a tchissue and speaks up. "No...it wasn't your fault. You tried a lot and Xukun knew about that. He wanted to get better for you. He was afraid he didn't deserve you because you were so good to him even though he sometimes was treating you badly. You stayed and you wanted to help him. Do you know how much courage it takes? How much courage it takes to be with a celebrity? To be with someone who needs help? You have no idea how many people would have quitted already...but you have never given up. It takes a lot of strenght. I have to say I admire you."