"That's me" // Xukun's FF

Chapter 6

Nana's POV

I open my eyes as I hear some aggerssive knocking on my door. I sit on the bed and an unendurable pain hits my head. I put my hand on the forehead as if it was somehow going to help. I wonder why everyone always does that even though it doeasn't make any difference...

I force myself to get up from the bed and open the door not caring about how I look as though I probably look like I had a fierce battle with a bear.

"Finally, I've been waiting and knocking for almost five minutes," Qinjia says. I'm not in the mood for something like that so I just shout the door not locking it and make my way to the kitchen. I pour myself some water and take some painkillers which I hate taking but do I have any other choice? I feel like I'm going to die because of the pain. Not to mention my stomach which burns because of the red wine.

"Could you just try to be nice? I came to see you and you greet me closing the door right in front of my face. I could have slept longer but I decided to check on you," the girl explain and I sigh deeply closing my eyes.

"So you can see I'm not good but alive. Now you can go back and let me try to survive on my own," I state not thinking about what I'm saying. Words just split out of my mouth as I try to wake myself up by rubbing my eyes.

"Ehh...I make you some toast and tea," she declares and I sit on the couch with my glass of water not saying anything more. I have never felt worse than now. It's not only because of the pain caused by alcohol. I feel like I have lost everything. Like there was nothing left. I'm not alive...I just still breathe.

"I know what you're thinking about...don't think of it as if it was the end of the world," Qinjia adds suddenly and I force myself to open my eyes and look at her. She doesn't spare me even a glance and just focus on making toasts as if I was going to pay her for her work. "He is alive. He just doesn't remember you and you said yourself that you don't want to force him to love you...so yeah tell me what was going on between you two before the accident happened. If it were just him losing his memory, you wouldn't react like that," Qinjia says and I widen my eyes. How does she know. Why now? Smart...she knows I'm too tired to lie. "You're not afraid that he won't love you because he doesn't remember...you're afraid he will remember everything and he won't stay."

"I guess you know me too well," I just state taking another sip of water.

"And your friends are also my friends...so tell me."

I laugh as I remember Ziyi and Yanjun walking to my apartment without an invitation and making themselves comfortable as if I had been pleased with their arrival. I cried. I told him a lot. I shouln't have let them in.

"I guess I don't have another choice, do I? So we were...drifting apart, I think. Xukun used to came back home tired. He would read opinions and comments about himself and you know how people can be brutal when it comes to words and vocabulary. I tried and tried to explain to him why it is like that and that he shouldn't worry that much and focus on the bright side. On his fans. On the people that care about him. He listened to me...but it seems he was quickly forgetting. He started to drink a lot. I don't exactly know what people were talking about him but suddenly he started to accuse me of cheating. We argued. I cried. When he was sober again he apologised and said it wouldn't happen again...but it did. Again and again. Then because of that...I started to accuse him of cheating on me because of how he was acting around his fans. And it was just a vicious circle we made and couldn't find a way out. Before the accident we were arguing about the same thing again. I said what I said and he said what he said...if he remembers, he might really end things between us. That's what I'm afraid of. And even if he don't recall it, I won't be able to just live with it. I would have to tell him the truth."