"That's me" // Xukun's FF

Chapter 21

Nana's POV

I try to focus and repeat the choreography I made. It took me a whole week to learn some tango steps and make something out of them. I still can't believe I agreed to that. Not to mention that I'm partly responsible for such a turn of events. I should have never said anything about latino style...but how could I know that Chengcheng and Yanjun will come up with something like that. However the moment Yanjun shouted tango I knew what he was going to say next. I have known him long enough to be able to predict it. There was nothing I could do to stop him and now I only hope things won't go awkward.

Since tango is really sensual I'm afraid Xukun will think I am trying to seduce him even though it is not my intention. But I have to admit that I didn't even try to make it less sexy but I swear it is all because of the visual aspects. I don't want this dance to lose it essential element. I just hope Xukun will understand it all and I won't have to explain everything to him. I'm afraid that even if I try he won't believe me.

I feel like everything has started again from the begging. My past with Xukun, our relationship, is something so distant to me now. I haven't forgotten anything however it doesn't haunt me every night and day anymore. I have started to think that his accident might be a new start for us. That it might have been something that we both needed. I feel like I'm falling in love with him again even though I have never stopped loving him. I can't even describe this strange and unusual feeling that blooms in my heart. It's like I'm a teenager again that tries to get her crush's attention. Or at least wants to but is too shy and scared to do so.

To be honest I had a lot of crushes in my life. It started when I was in kindergarten but it was all so fragile and innocent. None of them lasted long of course. Then when I went to middle school I somehow started to hang out with boys however it was hard for me to find them attractive. Even when a handsome guy passed me on the street I didn't pay much attention to him. I preferred guys as friends and actors as crushes. Let's be honest...every girl at least once but probably more times fell in love with an actor or even better...a book character. These were the good times for me. Then I went to high school. I got close with Qinjia and I met her brother Chengcheng. I can't explain what happened to me but I wanted to look good for him always. I wanted him to see me as a talented and smart girl I was. I wanted him to see the best of me however I was very shy around him somehow. It took me a lot of time to feel quite comfortable around him but still I kept a lot of me to myself. Now I know I should have never done that but back then I was just too blind.

Therefore everything changed when I met Xukun. He was annoying as hell at least and he seemed to be just some random jerk however with time when I started to take off the layers I found a man with a great heart. The mask he wore made me interested in him but the heart hidden inside made me stay. I can't tell when I actually fell in love with him...maybe at the very beginning and that's why I was so annoyed every time I saw him. Maybe my heart already belong to him while my mind was doggedly coming towards Chengcheng.

I don't know and I will probably never find out.

Suddenly a small knock following with the sound of the door opening hit my ears as I jump in a little out of surprise. I put my hand on my chest as if it was somehow going to slow my heartbeat. My eyes lands on Xukun who sends me an apologetical smile. His hair is messily embracing his head. He wears his black trousers with a lose grey shirt that hugs his chest whenever he breaths in as his chest goes up. It takes me a while to finally look at his face again hoping he haven't notice that I have just checked him out however the mischievous smirk on his face tells me otherwise. But that means he was staring at me too, right?

I'm worried about myself sometimes. I feel like my confidence decreased a lot after the accident. I'm unsure of everything and especially it's hard to believe that he could fall in love with me. It indeed seems like a new beginning with new circumstances. Back then it was him who was worrying. I liked another guy and I was hard to get. I didn't want to believe he would like me because I was unconsciously forcing myself to think he was a total jerk. Now I'm afraid I'm not enough and I don't know what to do to be enough.