Eccedentesiast

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Atychiphobia- Fear of failure; fear of not being good enough.

•••

V A Y D A

I think it's interesting how different families are. Not just how they look but how they act. I think it's funny how families will act like the perfect little people around others, but could be falling apart when alone. That's how this family is a guess, at least from my point of view. I'm not good at being a part of this family, I'm the disappointment. What does my family like? Being successful, that's what my family likes, that's what my family is. Being successful and it's hard for me to be that. I get compared, from not only my brothers and sisters but also extended family.

Your sister is a medical doctor right? Yes. Lennons still planning to take over your father's business right? Zions doing early college classes right? Surprisingly, yes. Even my little five year old brother is the center of this family. It's hard to even try to reach their standards when you have siblings who are perfect in your family's eyes but especially your fathers. I used to be scared about what they thought about me, but I don't really care anymore.

And this is the exact reason why I hate anything that has to do with getting together with my family. I'm getting compared, when your cousin was your age she was doing this blah blah blah. Why aren't you doing this? Blah blah blah. But sadly my family on my mom's side is tight, they like to go out together for something like dinner at least once a week. I prefer to be away during this time, I try to be. Runs or drives are the way I go. They're also judgemental, they like perfect and everything that's not is a disgrace.

I roll on my back to look up at my ceiling, I realize I seem to do that a lot. My eyes are heavy, but I can't bring myself to close them. The salted tears have dried on my cheeks and neck. I let out a yawn, running a hand over my face. My eyes dart over to the door when I hear it crack open. The light shines into the dark room and a small figure appears, "Vay?"

"Dayton?" I sit up. He shuts the door behind him and scrambles over to my bed. He climbs up and hugs me tightly, hiding his face into the crook of my neck. "What happened bud?"

"Bad dream," he mutters.

I frown, I've been there before. I'm still there. "Do you want to talk about it?"

He shakes his head, I rub his back, trying to comfort him until the sniffling stops. "Can I sleep with you?"

I hesitate, but nod and lay back down. For some reason my heart rate goes up when Dayton cuddles up next to me. He shuffles close to me. I wrap my arm around him and he snuggles his face into my side. He calms down rather quickly, his breathing becomes soft indicating he's asleep, and I soon find myself falling asleep as well.

•••

When I get up the next morning, I slip out of my bed as careful as I can, trying not to wake Dayton up. I grab my phone from my night stand and relief washes through me when I realize it's Friday.

It's been almost two weeks since Kashton has been here. Surprisingly, he's still hung around with us and is still trying to be my friend. B.b. still tries to talk to him but he ignores her, saying that he wants to prove to me that he's not like them or as I put it, his people. But I've been trying to keep my distance from him as much as I can.

I don't really understand why he's making such an effort to be friends with me, but he is and I got to say. He's not the guy I thought he was. Still I'm not letting myself get close or trust him.