Eccedentesiast

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Aswium- A mingling of unsatisfaction, wistfulness, disappointment, regret, higher hopes, frustration and sadness that something has or did not happen.

•••

K A S H T O N

I don't realize my alarm is going off until Lewis is at my door, yelling at me to turn it off. I don't know why I didn't hear it. At least I like to think I don't.

After forcing myself out of bed I slump upstairs. Mom is nowhere in sight but I didn't expect her to be.

You can hear Lewis slamming the cupboards opened and closed in the kitchen, probably trying to search for something that is right in front of him.

Even Sawyer seems a little off today. Only Kate looks at the three of us confused, why we're all in such terrible moods, where her mom is, what's wrong with her brothers.

Sweet little Kate.

Her blue eyes scan us looking for some sort of answer, her lip formed into a small pout.

My hands begin to itch and I grit my teeth. I can't deal with this. I need to get out of here. I can't stand the moping around and Kate's questions.

She doesn't know. It wasn't that long ago but she doesn't know.

My head snaps up at the sound of the door opening. A guy I don't recognize walks in but freezes when he sees us, a bouquet of red roses in hand. Kate squeals and runs over to him.

I stand and watch the guy intensely as he bends down and hugs my sister. I glance at Lewis and he looks just as confused as I do.

"Who are you?" Lewis growls.

The man looks up and opens his mouth but stops when we hear steps behind us.

Mom walks into the kitchen. Even though her face is red from crying a smile is on her face, though it drops when she sees us. "Mom who is this?"

She opens her mouth but doesn't know what to say. "Jen, I can come back later if that's better." The guy rubs the back of his neck, looking like a nervous reck.

Coward.

"No, it's time they know," mom sighs and walks over to the guy, wrapping an arm around his middle. "Boys this is Eric... my boyfriend."

My jaw drops, "Damnit." Lewis mutters under his breath and lightly pushes the chair in front of him. He turns away from us, running a hand through his hair in frustration.

"Boys I know today isn't the best day to find out," she tries to explain. "I know you are mad-"

"How long have you guys been together?"

don't lose your temper.

She shares a glance with Eric. "About a month." I pinch the bridge of my nose and I have to remind myself that Kate's in the room. "I know that today isn't a great day to find out and I didn't mean for you to find out today. I promise I was going to tell you two earlier-"

I cut her off again, "They knew?" I point over to Sawyer and Kate.

She nods in guilt. "It's just that there was never a good time, and you're never home..."

Her voice fades away as I make a beeline to the door. I slam the door of my car and punch the steering wheel, "Fuck!" I curse loudly. She's replacing Dad.

We haven't been here even three months and she's already replacing him. He's not even like him, completely opposite, and for some reason that makes me even more frustrated.

I'm angry at Mom. I feel betrayed. She seems like she doesn't even care. Out of any day I had to find out today. I feel like crying and throwing something at the same time. But most of all I just need to get away, I can't stand to be here, while he is there.

So what do I do? I drive to the gym, though on my way there I change my route. I can't face Carter either. I don't want to. He's going to ask too many questions and it's only going to drive me more insane. I hate questions. I hate explaining what's going on and how I got to the vulnerable point I am in now.

He's going to act like he can make it better. Tell me to punch something or some stupid shit like that. It will do nothing, it won't bring Dad back and at that moment that's all I want. I want to hear his voice and tell me it's all going to work out. But he's gone and he's never going to come back.

I can see Carter and Dad and Mom in my mind scolding me for my actions. Tell me how stupid I was.

Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it.

But I keep driving, no matter what the voice in my head tells me. I promised myself I would never do it, not after what happened to Dad.

I want to forget. I want to forget mom and her stupid ass boyfriend. I want to forget my emotions. I want to forget that Dad's gone. I want to forget what today is, what is in a couple of days.

I just want to forget and for everything to go away...

•••

Poor Kash...

But on a happier note... happy Valentine's Day to everyone!
Hope y'all had a good one!

Also I changed the cover, I personally like it a lot better then the old one.
Anyone who saw the one before, let me know what one you prefer.

~Paislee 💕