Eccedentesiast

|34|

La Douleur Exquise- The heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable.

•••

I wanted to ignore everyone that next day. I didn't feel like interacting with anyone, especially my family. Or my friends for that matter.

My brain kept me from sleeping last night. I was too overwhelmed with many things to even think about closing my eyes. I didn't even have the company of Koda like I do most nights as he was too excited to have Lennon back. So, I was alone with my thoughts, which is a very dangerous thing.

But even knowing that, I locked myself in my room, trying to ignore today's problems as long as I can. So, I put my phone on 'do not disturb' and try to distract myself with anything that I can. I got away with that until around noon, when Lennon started knocking at my door, interrupting me from the book I had convinced myself to pick up and read.

"Hey V, I have a question," his voice is quiet, almost a whisper. "Can I come in?"

"I'm a little busy at the moment."

"Vayda, open the door," his words grow louder, worry and panic laced into his tone.

I sigh deeply, stretching my body out on my bed causing my joints to pop. I know what Lennon's thinking, so I comply. Opening the door, Lennon's eyes frantically scan over me, landing on my hands. His features relax when he sees the book in my hand. "You needed something?"

"Yes," he looks away, clearing his throat. "Can I come in?"

Doing the opposite of what my head tells me to do, I open the door wider. Lennon smiles softly at me, Koda trotting in after him. Both boys jump up on my bed, making themselves comfortable. I take the seat at my desk, looking at my brother expectantly. We sit in silence as Lennon looks around my room, probably at the changes that have been made since he's last been here. "So..."

His head snaps back to mine, "Right." He shifts, placing a hand on Kodas back. "I want you to come with me to see mom."

The air is knocked out of my lungs. He knows how I feel about even having dinner with her, why would he ask me to go see her? "No."

"Please," He begs. "She got released from the hospital today, and she wants me to come to visit her... I don't want to go alone."

My eyes soften and I almost give in.

Almost.

"Ask Zion."

"He's out," of course he is. "Please? I promise I'll make sure nothing gets too out of hand. Then we can go do whatever you want."

"Sorry Lennon, still no."

•••

I sigh when we pull up to the big house, hating myself for giving in. My streak of not talking to anyone today has been broken faster than I was hoping, and I already have a terrible feeling about being here and I'm not even out of the car yet.

"I promise," Lennon begins as we start walking up to the front door. "Half hour tops, I just want to check on her."

I don't reply, instead, I ring the doorbell and look up at the house while we wait. At least Mom found a rich guy.

I don't get too much time to think about it because ten seconds later, the door is thrown open and I'm pushed out of the way.

"Oh, Lennon sweetie!" Mom quickly throws her arms around him, hugging him tightly. "It's so good to see you! Come in, come in!" That's a great start.