Eccedentesiast

|18|

Arcane- Secret, Mysterious, understood only by a few.

•••

If I would've known that we would be driving an hour and a half to our destination, I don't think I would've come. Though I didn't have much of a  choice anyways.    

I watch out the window as everyone is in their own little conversations. Hegan couldn't make it so he's not here. And ever since Logan has been to our school he's been hanging around a lot. He's fun company though.

I look at the huge gray building as Porter pulls into the parking lot. I've only been to Easthaven a handful of times, it's a nice town but I'm not exactly sure what we are doing here. "Hey Kashton you used to live here didn't you?" Kinzley asks as she stumbles out of the car.

He only nods, looking around at the place like it's a bad memory.

"Sugar." Logan swings his arm over my shoulder and I give him a questioning look.

"Wait so you don't like me calling you DV but you'll let him calm you sugar?" Porter narrows his eyes.

"It's not like I got a choice-"

"Yeah you got a problem with that?" Porter rolls his eyes as Logan smirks. "Bro did you just roll your eyes at me?"

"Yeah you got a problem with that?"

I move away from Logan. Kinzley links her arm with mine and begins to walk away. Everly catches up with us and calls to the boys, "We'll meet you in a bit!"

I have no idea where we are going or what the plan is. I don't question it. My eyes continue to scan the area as we walk, trying to catch all the small details. I end up getting pulled into some clothes store.

I have never been a fan of shopping, sometimes I will but as I scan over the clothes I can tell it's nothing I'm interested in.

I sit down in a black chair by the dressing rooms, Everly and Kinzley coming up to me every once and a while to ask an opinion on a shirt or pants. They'll try some things on, once again asking what I think before trying the next one out of the pile they have collected.

I watch as the girls laugh and Kinzley spins around in the dress she has tried on. I make the mistake of looking at myself in the mirror to the side of me. I rest my head on the plan of my hand and look away as my heart clenches. I'll never be able to be like them. We can't I? Why do I have to be stuck like this?

They have the most beautiful blue eyes. I have brown eyes.

They're the perfect height. I'm too tall.

They're pretty. I'm not even close.

They're so likeable. People probably think of me as some freak.

They're skinny. I have weight to lose. A lot.

Why do I have to look the way I do? 

Why do I have to act the way I do?

Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.

Breathe In and out. I blink my eyes a few times and bounce my leg nervously. In and out.

"You okay V?" Everly sits down next to me.

"Yeah," The smile on my face hurts and it's hard to hold up. But it does what I was hoping.

"Ugh let's meet up with the boys to eat, I'm starving." Kinzley suggests.

After waiting in line for what seemed like hours, we are out of the mall and walk to a nearby community pavilion, and wait for the others.

I catch my knee still bouncing away and I can't seem to stop moving. I'll stop but then have to fiddle with my bracelet. But soon realizing what I'm doing I pull my sleeve up past my hand. When the boys fill up the empty spots next to us, all I could think about is how much

I wanted to be alone at that moment.
I don't belong here, I feel out of place. I hate that feeling. Why can't I just be happy? Why can't I just go out and have fun with my friends? Why do I have to feel so on edge? Why do I have to  feel so held back?

Like a wall is in front of me or I have duct tape over my mouth.

Food is set in front of me. I look from it up to Kashton, "eat."

"Not hungry," I decline.
  
"You never eat," Kinzley states. It's not true, I do, she's just exaggerating.

I roll my eyes and go on my phone, they leave me alone. I want to leave when I feel my chest tighten. I don't have a ride, that's the problem. And I can't go somewhere, where would I go?

"V you sure you're okay?" Everly questions.

"Of course." Fake smile. That's all it is, just a fake smile.