Kadota- To disappear, vanish; To get/be lost; be missing; to fade.
•••
I've always had a hard time trusting people, for one reason exactly. Even if they tell you that they won't say anything, it still might get out. Here's the thing, you might make them promise that they won't say anything about whatever it is you're keeping but then they might go tell someone they trust, someone as simple as a sibling. Then the sibling might go out and tell their friends. And now people know, even if it's just a few. I don't know if that makes any sense.
Maybe I'm just paranoid.
I don't know what it was about that night, but Kashton made it seem easy to talk to and like he really cared. We didn't talk anymore about our beginning conversation but instead just a bunch of random stuff until we lost track of time and the sun made an appearance. I don't know what he's going through but I would guess some of his pain had to deal with his dad.
I don't know how close they were. It would be hard to lose a parent, I basically did. I think about my mom a lot, I don't even know if she's alive. I love my mom, but sometimes I hate her, I despise her for just abandoning us as she did. I remember everything like it was yesterday too.
We were all young, I was ten, Lennon was fourteen, and Zion was nine. For a while, there was always yelling at our house. Mom and Dad seemed to be screaming at each other constantly, I never knew what about, Lennon was always ushering us into a different room so we didn't have to hear them. I don't know if their fights ever got physical but I cringe every time I think about it.
I remember hearing talks about divorce and then one day mom just left without a word, I was hurt, I felt betrayed. To make matters worse Dad started dating not even six months after. I think about it now and I wonder why he started dating so soon after Mom left, I felt like he was replacing her. He didn't even talk about her after she was gone, it was like she didn't even exist.
The first time I met Monica was strange, Lennon disliked her from the start so instantly so did Zion and I. She was always way too overly nice and still is. Meeting June and Monica's other daughter Katie for the first time was also strange, Katie was a few years older than Lennon and June was only one or two. The wedding was strange, they rushed getting married way quicker than my liking, they didn't even date a full year. It was weird getting told I was gaining a new "Mom" and having three new people move into our house. This is around the time Monica started calling me Sweetheart.
Nothing against them, I love them all, but all of it is strange and still to this day doesn't feel right.
It was about a year later when they had Dayton. That's what I'm most grateful for out of all of this mess. I love that little boy with my heart and would do anything for him.
I don't hear from Mom as much as I used to. Even after she would leave we would talk at least once a week. She never talked about why she left but I was happy to at least hear from her. Now I only hear from her on my birthday and Christmas, the conversations are never long. They're always on text and they probably last a few messages. I've stopped trying to talk to her. I'll text her back, 'thanks' or 'yeah you too,' but she will never talk about how she's doing. I don't know if she's married, started a new family, or even if she has a job.
I've just learned that you shouldn't get attached to people because they will always leave in the end.
But speaking of my family, I've managed to stay clear of dad and the fact that he's not home a lot anymore has helped. I have heard him arguing with Monica a little and I can only pray that it doesn't end up as it did with mom.
Lennon's leaving in a few days which doesn't help. He promised me that we would be coming back in a few months for winter break, but I still don't want him to leave. It's always strange around here without him and I'm afraid that he's going to turn out like mom.
He's going to meet a girl, and get married and start a family. Then we'll slowly stop contacting each other.
I'm being stupid I know.
Sure, I have Zion, but our relationship is... complicated. This family in general is complicated. Life is complicated...
•••
I get called down to Casey's early again. I look down at my feet, counting my steps as I walk down the halls to avoid eye contact with anyone I pass.
When I get there I'm surprised when I see it's not just Casey in the room. "Monica? What are you doing here?"
Both look at me and smile, "Vayda, take a seat."
I do cautiously, "what's going on?"
"Calm down, nothing to be worried about," Casey reassures. "Just want to talk about something."
He turns his computer screen so I can see it and I read what's on the website, "t-therapy?"
"I'm suggesting that you go see a therapist," he explains. "Someone that can help you more than I can."
"I don't need it," I say immediately. "I don't want to do it either."
Casey sighs and shakes his head, "we just want to help you, Vayda."
"Yeah, well there's a lot of people that actually need help so how about we don't waste my and the therapist time and just wait for one who really needs it."
"Sweetheart," Monica places her hand on mine and I have to resist to rip it away. "It's not a bad thing to see one."
"And I'm still not saying something is wrong with you," Casey tells me, facing the computer back to him. But there is... "but it's obvious that you're going through things, and you deserve help."
"It's not going to work."
"It's worth a shot."
"Look," I glance over at Monica. "Like I already said, it's just going to be a waste of time but also money."
"Why don't you want help?" Casey asks.
"I've been fine on my own," I reply. "There's nothing that I don't need help with anyways."
"Please just take it into consideration," he sighs. "One session, that's all we're asking, the lady is super nice and if you don't like it you don't have to keep going. We can continue our sessions here."
"What about neither?"
They both sigh again.
•••
Our session wasn't as long, as usual, he let me go as soon as the bell rang that indicated that school was over. I leave quickly but instead of going straight to my car, I go to Kashton's waiting for him there. "Vayda? Everything alright?" he jogs over when he spots me.
"Are you doing anything today?" I get straight to the point.
"No why?"
I push off from his car that I was leaning on as being to slowly walk away, "Meet me at the park in at six," I ignore his question.
He asks more questions but I only smile and walk to my car without another word.
•••
Thanks so much for 100 reads, it means a lot to me! ♥️
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~Paislee 💕
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Eccedentesiast
General FictionEccedentesiast (.n) Someone who hides pain behind a smile Vayda Collie has always had a hard time trusting people, even her close friends. Thinking everything is better keeping things bottle up she never talks to people about her feelings and no one...