Eccedentesiast

|22|

Toska- A dull ache of the soul, a sick pinning, a spiritual anguish.

•••

Warning: deals with self harm

V A Y D A

Kashton didn't go to school the next day, but he was there on Thursday. multiple times I thought about reaching out but never had the courage to. I had to remind myself that people do what he did all the time. Porter and Hegan have gotten high off their asses a handful of times.

Though that doesn't make it okay.

I guess it just surprised me because I thought he didn't like doing things like that. At school he acted like it never happened and I don't know if he remembers me there or not. Either way, no one brings it up. 

The week goes by extremely slow, the minutes, hours, and days by but seem slower than they should be. I stare at the clock and watch as the time ticks by.

One. Two. Three. Four.  Fiv-

A pencil hits the side of my head, knocking me back to reality. I turn and scowl at Porter who sits next to me. He smiles innocently and winks at me in return.

Logan snorts and picks the pencil up off the floor and it's Porters turn to scowl. "Bro give that back it's the only pencil I have."

"Sorry bro but I didn't have a pencil and so Imma take this one," Logan inspects the pencil like it's some piece of gold while Porter sends him daggers.

I roll my eyes and fish through my backpack for another one. Why do boys always lose their pencils? It's like they need a new one every period.

I throw it at Porter and he looks at it with excitement. "Ha I get a mechanical one."

This is literally the worst class, Logan and Porter are always bickering and I'm always in the middle of it. Not to mention this is a math class.

"Is there something you would like to say to the class boys?" Mrs. Austin asks.

"Uh yes," Porter sits up straighter. "Why do we have to solve for the letter X?" 

"It can be any letter," she sighs.

"I know but why is it mainly X? Who decided that, did they have an obsession with that letter or something?"

Kids in the class snicker, "moving on," Mrs. Austin sighs again. Poor teacher. "Please write down the notes on the board boys."

Logan takes my notebook as I'm in the middle of writing. "Logan she said the notes are on the board you don't need my notebook."

"Mhmm," he continues to write. "Just gimme a sec."

Like I said, this class gives me a headache.

•••

Early that night I wake up to the sound of Koda barking, the dumb dog probably is just scared of his own shadow. I stretch out, letting out a loud yawn about to get out of bed but when I hear Dad's voice in the hall I stop myself. I check my phone for the exact time, the brightness of the screen hurts my eyes and I hurry turn my phone away from me.

I try to fall back asleep but when Mom flashes through my dreams I know there's no way I will be able too.  I get up and tiptoe my way over to the kitchen to get a glass of water. I bring the cup up to my lips but the liquid is hard to swallow.

I don't know what makes me do it, mom won't get out of my mind so I take my phone and try to call her. Tears prick my vision, and I pray that she'll pick up. I want to talk to her, I just need to hear her voice.