Eccedentesiast

|24|

Inconnu- A person who is unknown; stranger.

•••

You know when somethings off about a person and it becomes awkward and you don't really know what to do? Or when someone changes their mood in a snap of their fingers and then they seem like a completely different person?

Yeah well, I guess that's how my dad is. The smallest change will throw him off. I feel like I've had different Dads throughout the years. Just small things will make him act different but then he'll act normal in a few days. Though I don't know what his normal is any more.

Us barely talking to each other doesn't help at all. We've never been good at communicating. It's always strange having a conversation with Dad, it's like he's a total stranger. With his mood constantly changing it's hard to know what to expect. Sometimes he'll get mad and overprotective over the smallest things, other times he doesn't give a damn about what I do.

Sometimes I wonder if he even wants Zion and me here or if he's just waiting for the day for us to move out so he can just focus on his "new family". I wouldn't blame him if that's what he thinks, he probably would like to focus more on Dayton and June rather than Zion and me, maybe he thinks we cause too much trouble. I turn eighteen in January, I want to move out then but who knows how that will turn out.

Porter has offered for me to come move in with him, he's the only one out of the group who is out of their parent's house. I feel like too much of a burden taking him up if his offer. Sure he doesn't actually want to live with me. But now I've got to decide what's going to be best, living home or going out on my own.

Lennon has also told me that I could move down with him and his roommate after high school, but I couldn't do that to him. I can't have him worrying about me.

I just want to get away. Away from everyone. As far as possible. My voices will never make up their minds. On one hand, I'm scared to be alone. That's when my thoughts get too loud and things start to happen.

But on the other, I can't stand to be around people, even close people. I like to be on my own. That way I can't mess anything up and I don't have to speak to people. I don't have a chance of anyone seeing me in the middle of a breakdown, I don't have to hold back even though I do whenever I can.

People don't need to know what you're feeling, not even my friends. Some people love friend groups because it's like an emotional support group. So why do I have the hardest time talking to mine?

They say groups with even numbers are the greatest right? That way no one is left out, no one is third-wheeling or fifth-wheeling, or how many people are in the group. But is it possible to feeling that way in a group even when we don't have odd numbers?

Am I going crazy, or am I being too sensitive? I've learned no matter how much I strive for it, I'm always going to be better off alone. The less my friends, or just people in general, know about me the better. Friends are a tough subject, complicated too.

It seems like no matter what you say, they can somehow use that against you, especially when there's drama going on.

Hegan and Everly broke up two weeks ago. At first, they started out just as friends, and everything was fine, but Hegan slowly stopped hanging around us. Porter and Hegan got into a fight not too long ago, it started some things. I've heard the ways they've talked about Hegan. It makes me anxious. Who knows what type of things they say about me.

I miss being around Hegan. He was always on the shyer side, but he was fun to be around. I think the whole group has missed him but at the same time, they act like he never was our friend. I worry about Everly, though she seems to be taking the breakup well. I've tried my best to be there for her. I didn't ask for much detail on why they broke up, all I know is that she broke things off with him and she just said that it wasn't working out.

I also try to be kind to Hegan, talk to him to let him know that even though that he's not together with Everly anymore, I still care about him. He's been off, I'll try to make conversation but he always just shrugs me off and tries to get away as soon as he can.

"Sissy!" Dayton exclaims as he barges into my room.

I shut the lid to my laptop and smile at him, "Hey bud what's up?"

"Come on let's go!"He grabs my hand and "drags" me out the room and to the kitchen.

Where exactly are we going bud?"

"I need you to take him to a friend," Monica cuts in. "I have to leave for work in a few minutes and no one else is home, do you mind doing that?"

"Uh, yeah, sure, I'll take him." Monica thanks me and give me the address of the house. Dayton cheers and rushes out to the front door. I quickly help him put his coat on and I put mine on as well. A lot of the neighbors are outside playing in the snow, as most of this neighborhood consists of children. I swiftly glance at the tall snowman that they have built as I pull out of the driveway.

Dayton blabbers on about how excited he is and I make sure to listen carefully to him. "Is this your friend Kate, you were telling me about the other day?"

"Yeah it is," he pulls at the sleeve of his coat, making a face in the progress. "I don't like wearing coats."

"Yeah, well, you're going to freeze if you don't." My GPS leads me into one of the newer neighborhoods. most of the houses consist of more modern houses than what we live in. They're what my dad would call cookie-cutter houses.

He's always talking about how much he hates these houses, how they are all the same shape, just different colors, and whatnot. When someone gets him talking about his job, he goes at it for quite some time.We pull up to the house and I can only pray that it's the right one and Monica didn't give me the wrong address.

I help Dayton out of the car and he holds my hand as we walk up to the porch. We ring the doorbell and wait for the painful moment for someone to open the door. When the door opens, we're met with a short brown hair lady. Her blue eyes sparkle with excitement when she looks down at Dayton.

Her gaze shifts to me and she offers me a welcoming smile. "You must be Monica."

"Oh no, I'm Vayda," I stamper. "Dayton's older sister."

"Oh," she nods with a small laugh. "I was going to say, you look way too young to be a mother." I laugh awkwardly, I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. "Here, why don't you guys come in, don't want you shivering out there." I begin to protest saying I'm just here to drop him off but Dayton pulls on my hand and I follow.

The lady bends down to Dayton's level and wraps him in a hug, she seems like a very affectionate woman. "Look at you cutie, now, Kate will be down in just a second."

"Jen don't smother the child," A man who I can only assume is her husband chuckles, walking into the room.

Jen apologizes and Dayton smiles but when a little girl skips down the stairs, he's quick to run off with her. "Oh, I'm so sorry, I never introduced myself." Jen smiles. "I'm Jennifer, but you can call me Jen, I'm Kate's mom but I think you already knew that."

I give another weird laugh, this is not my thing, "It's nice to meet you."

"Would you like to stay for a while?" she asks.

"Thanks, but I better get going," I decline politely. "It was nice meeting you guys."

"You to hun, we'll see you soon."

I smile and make my way to leave as fast as I can without trying to make it seem like I'm desperate to get out of there.

"Vayda? What are you doing here?"