Eccedentesiast

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Sciamachy- A battle against imagery enemies; fighting your shadows

•••

Sometimes I feel like I have a person living inside me, aka my fear. But the voice is so loud and clear, it might as well be someone right beside me 24/7. Song for the day, Intro 3 by NF. When you understand what is happening in the song it's really interesting, I feel exactly like that so much that it scares me how realistic it is. The sad thing is though, about this "Person" I believe everything it tells me. It's hard to think otherwise. Sometimes it makes me freak out and then it's hard to not show what I'm feeling.

I really don't know what to call it, he, she, it, fear, person. You think I should know when it makes an appearance all the time but it only makes me perplexed.

Last week, it made a huge appearance, when seeing what b.b. Did. I know, I shouldn't care she's just being a whiny bitch but It made that extremely hard. It was like time froze and It was right there with me with arms crossed and a bored expression as I stared at the lockers.

Almost as if It was saying, "look at that, someone at school finally stepped up and told everyone who you are. A disgraceful, fat, ugly, mistake that nobody likes. You can tell yourself whatever you want Vayda, but deep down you know it's true." I would protest and then, "Look at those words Vayda, now look at everyone around you, they don't care. Hell all they're doing is laughing." You're just mad because you know I'm right! It overwhelms me, it's not true, it can't be. Right? You keep talking to me like a stranger but we've been together since you were a kid.

I get out of the car and let out a frustrated breath, it's not true, I tell myself over and over as I begin to walk inside. My hands begin to sweat as my anxiety spikes up. Today is the day we leave for the cabin and I'm terrified to say the least. My nerves only continue to rise up as the time Porter is supposed to come pick me up nears closer.

Okay I still have a few hours. I have work before we go, I just got back from my lunch break, so I don't have too much longer. Usually, I just eat at the diner as I work there, but I needed to clear my head so I went where I always go when I need to clear my thoughts. Plus I just wasn't hungry.

Inside it's crowded and loud. Perfect. But that's how it is these days. Schools out and it's around lunch time so a lot of people are here.

I recognize a big group of people from school, b.b. and her minions included. B.b. looks over my way, a smile on her face and she takes a sip of her drink, her eyes never leaving mine. I sigh and continue waking.

"Hey sugar, you're back!" Logan calls when I enter behind the counter.

I roll my eyes, I swear, he's just as bad as Monica. "I told you to stop calling me that."

"And that's all the reasons I need to keep calling you it," He smirks, causing a huff to come out of me. Logan wraps me into a suffocating hug. "Awe come on, I know you love me!"

"Hey get to work you two," Reagan tosses me my apron. "V, I need you to take table 8s orders."

I glance over, yeah no thanks, that's b.b. And her squads table, "Can't I do someone else?" I pleaded. Yeah I know, I'm a chicken.

"I'll go to that one, don't worry." Logan smiles and walks away. He knows all about b.b. Logan is home schooled so he doesn't go to River Valley, but sometimes I wish he did. Him and Reagan are the ones that I rant to all about b.b. And all the shit that happens at school because to be honest, Logan feeds on drama like he needs it to survive.

I mentally thank Logan before walking over to a table where two boys sit. "Hello, I'm Vayda," ew I hate my voice. "How are you boys tonight?"

"We're doing good," the blonde older one gives me a sweet smile. "Just moved here a couple days ago and heard this place was good so we thought we would try it out."

Wow what is it with all these new people? "Well you won't be disappointed." I smile back, "you guys ready to order?"

The little boy nods eagerly, "I'll get a chicken basket and a sprite."

I nod and write it down, "And what about you?" The dude also orders and I give them one last smile before heading back to the kitchen. I hand the cook the note and someone fake gags behind me. I turn and look at Logan, "What now?"

"Did you see how that guy was looking at you?" he asks louder than necessary. "He gave you that one innocent look, you know? Like the one that children give people? Like a... like a lost puppy look."

I roll my eyes, walking away as him and Reagan snicker.

•••

Forgetting that the diner actually closes early today, my shift ends in a half hour. I'm not sure how to feel about it. I look up from the cash register when I see the two boys walk up. "Hey how was everything?"

"Great!" the little boy exclaims.

I smile as I ring up their total, "That good. Hey welcome to River Valley by the way."

They thank me and leave, an ear piercing voice is next to me soon after. "Wow you really are a little whore aren't you?"

I glance up at b.b. "Do you need something?"

"Moving on to the next boy already Vayda?" She ignores my question. "What? Already got tired of Kash?"

I grit my teeth and look away, I haven't talked to Kashton since his little burst out, and don't really plan on it. "She was doing her job," Logan says beside me. "Now scram, go be annoying somewhere else."

She glares at him not moving until someone calls out for her. When she's gone I sigh in relief, "Thanks."

"Ugh I swear, her voice is like a million tiny needles piercing into my brain," He groans. "When are you going to let me kick her ass?"

I glance at the door. I don't respond, just laugh it off.