Eccedentesiast

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Lisztomania- The need to listen to music all the time.

•••

One of the reasons I love listening to music is because it reminds me that I'm not alone and that there are people out there dealing with things and feel just like I do.

But then I feel pathetic for the feelings that I can't control because I know people have it worse than I do. Some would say I have a good life, I have a home, clothes, and food, that's more than a lot of people have. It just makes me have more anger towards myself for being such a weak person.

Why can't you just be normal?

This is one of the many reasons that I don't want to go to therapy, there are people that need it more than I do, don't waste time on me. Besides, if I left it wouldn't affect anyone so why try to 'fix me'?

Maybe music can be my therapy, that's what I like to think about it. I've heard a lot of artists saying that's what it is for them. I've also heard people, aka Casey, say it's only a bandage it's not going to help me. But since when do I listen to him?

Last night I was curious about what songs the internet considered sad songs. I was surprised when I found "Truth Hurts" by Lizzo and "Shallow" by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper on that list. I'm sorry but I wouldn't really consider those sad songs.

Maybe that's just me.

I don't know.

I don't know what it is with me and sad music or just me and music in general. My mind seems to be all over the place when I don't have music in, I guess it's because when I do I have lyrics on to concentrate on and to be a distraction from all of my crazy thoughts.

It exhausts me, how many things run through my mind. It's suffocating and just makes me panic.

I feel like I have a demon, or maybe it's that person that I feel that lives inside me, but I feel like they're constantly trying to drown me. They don't like me comfortable, they like me panicked and afraid and feeling like I've had enough.

Though they never seem to give me the satisfaction of letting me drown, but pull me up when I'm almost there.

I've always hated how bright the sun is in the morning. It blinds you.

With a groan, I get out of bed and stumble my way to the bathroom. Even though I've been up for a while I just don't like knowing I have to go to school. But there are two things that I'm excited about.

It's Friday which means the weekend. Also b.b. got suspended on Wednesday which I keep finding hilarious. I just don't know what took them so long for them to figure it out.

It's a relief not having her around. A nice break, it's quiet, you don't hear her annoying voice every three seconds.

I avoid looking at my reflection in the mirror as I always do, instead, I open and slam drawers looking for what I need. Finally finding what I need I quickly grab it and wrap the gauze around my wrist as tight as I can before going back in before throwing on a hoodie.

It's been almost a week since Lennon's left and the house has been quiet. Most of the time, I've also been able to steer away from dad, though dinner a few nights ago was awkward.

He told me that I don't need any type of therapy, I just need to grow up. I agree with him for once.

I don't know what's got him in such a pissy mood but he has been. He's hardly ever home, not that I care but I can tell that it's hard on Monica. She's worried about him.

I want to laugh in his face. He talks terribly about Mom and now he's not any better than she was.

A frustrated sigh makes its way out of me as I walk downstairs. I give a smile to Monica who sits in the kitchen before grabbing my backpack and heading towards the door. "I'll see you later."

"Sweetheart you don't have school today," she calls out to me. I freeze in place and check my phone. I grow confused when I double-check that it is Friday but grumble thanks to Monica when I remember that we have a four day weekend.

I head straight back to my bed, I know I won't be able to fall back asleep but I like laying down. I open my phone, not really sure what I'm doing but just go on the first thing I click on. It happens to be Pinterest.

I don't go on the app a lot but I do like looking at quotes on it. I think they're interesting. It shows that people have so many different perspectives of the world.

I don't understand how some can be living in sunshine and rainbows while others are living in a black hole. It's crazy how different people are in general. Not only looks but personality and lifestyle. Not only that but it's crazy how people can change in such a short amount of time.

It's strange how people have two faces. I think we all do but the ones that change completely when around different people.

Maybe they'll be really nice and sweet around someone then they leave and they become a total bitch. I never have understood people and I don't think I ever will. I don't really want to because they will always change.

My door opens and I begin to scold Zion to knock before he enters. "Yeah, yeah, whatever DV I'll do whatever I want."

I look up at Porter surprised, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to retrieve you."

"Why?" I snuggle into my blanket as he walks closer.

"You need to get out of the house," he rolls his eyes. "Come on, the gang is waiting in the car."

"For what?" I scoot away when he sits down on my bed.

"Uhh for you to be with us?"

"Porter it's only eight," I mumble.

"I know, Kinzley made sure I knew that," he huffs. "Now seriously get out of bed."

"No," I kick him with my foot. "I don't want to go."

"DV."

"No."

"Vayda."

"No-" A squeal when Porter reaches out for me and throws me over his shoulder. "Porter put me down!"

"No thanks," he walks as I begin to squirm trying to get down. "Don't kick me in the face." He crouches down, picking up my shoes. "Thanks for letting me kidnap her Mrs. Collie!"

I huff as he walks to the car, still not letting me down. But he does shove me in the car basically causing me to slam into Logan. Not expecting it he leans into Kinzley. She scowls and shoves his shoulder. Porter throws my shoes at me, "Don't hit me in the face," I mimic him.

He gets into the driver's seat, looking at me in the rearview mirror, and sticks his tongue out at me. Kinzley decides to get in the far back with Everly and I'm stuck with Logan. He throws his arm around me and begins to ramble on about something.

I look out at the window as Porter drives away, trying to comprehend what just happened.

•••

Do you guys like Kashton POVs?
I've been thinking about adding another one in soon but I'm still deciding.

Moving in from that...

Random question for the day: do you have a favorite quote? If so what is it?

~Paislee 💕