Eccedentesiast

|23|

Crump- To make a crunching sound, as in walking over snow, or as snow when trodden on.

•••

I bounce my leg as I sit in class, waiting for the lesson to start. The class is loud, people speak in conversations that carry their words across the room.

I hate it.

The intense noise made me stuffy, I felt suffocated one again. I needed it to be quiet, that's why I kept glancing back at Mrs. Smith, who was having a hard time how to work her computer. I knew it was going to be a little while before the lesson began.

I try to block everything out by keeping my mind occupied by something else but it doesn't work at all. Ever since this morning, I've been struggling.

I feel like I'm drowning again. People laugh around me, I feel like they're laughing at me. I know they are not, but it feels so much like they are. The noise rings through my ears and bounces around in my skull.

I nervously play with the ends of my sleeve, trying to make it not so obvious as much as possible. I look out the window that displays the fluffy white snow that now coasts the ground like a thin blanket. It's only late November too, in my opinion too early for the snow.

I've never been a fan of the snow, it covers anything it can touch, turning our small town into something that's glumly and wet. I watch a guy attempt to put up Christmas lights across the road of the school.

Another thing that I think it's too early for. To be fair, Thanksgiving is this week so I guess it's the time most people start to put that stuff up.

My phone buzzes in my pocket over and over again. The group is having some type of debate and I pretend to show interest in it. I'm not completely sure what's going on, I barley scan over the texts, but I type a response just to keep myself somewhat busy.

My hands are shaky as I try to type, making me take twice as long than it usually would. I don't want to talk to my friends at the moment, as rude as it seems. I knew my opinion on whatever was going on didn't matter either.

No one really responded to what I said. I was fine with that. As long as I looked like I was occupied with something and no one bothered me, I was okay with that.

Mrs. Smith finally begins her lecture and I glance at the clock. A tiny sense of relief floods through me, I begin to feel like I can make it through this class without something happening.

My hands aren't as clammy anymore and the only sound is from the teacher and a group of girls a few seats ahead of me, as they think they whisper to each other but it's clear at least half the class can hear them.

I can make it.

My mind is still dazed. I don't realize how tense I am and how tight my jaw is clenched until my teeth start to hurt.

I unclench my jaw and try to relax myself, but that's kinda hard to do, especially when something hits me in the back of my head.

I turn around, looking at the paper airplane that lays on the ground then up at the snickering ground of boys.

"Yeah, sorry, um... whatever you name is." The middle boy speaks, his green eyes sending me a taunting look. "I didn't mean to hit you, that was for Derek," he nods to the boy next to me.

Derek flips his friends off and they all laugh again. I don't say anything, just purse my lips together and turn back around.

"Boys!" Mrs. Smith scolds them. "Please pay attention to today's lesson."

"Forgive me Mrs. Smith," the boy that threw the air plane smiles apologetically. He's one of those boys that's all the teachers love, so he gets away with anything. Then flirts with all the girls because he's cocky enough to know he's hot and uses it to his advantage.

I'm lucky enough to sit in front of him.

Insert eye roll.

This is why I hate school because people like him.

He's not sorry he meant to hit you.  They're laughing at you. Who wouldn't? I mean look at yourself. They all hate you, they all see you as an outcast, a freak.

I swallow the lump in my throat and continue to take notes.

Don't listen.

Don't listen.

It's not true.

But it is.

•••

I sit in the car, waiting for Dayton to get out of school. As I wait, I lean my head back and softly tap my fingers on the steering wheel to the beat of the music that's playing.

When it hits one minute before the bell rings, I walk inside the building. They've asked us to come inside and get the kids due to the snow.

No matter how much I begged and tried to bribe Zion with something to come get Dayton, here I am. It didn't work as well as I hoped, just scowled on me, told me he couldn't because something about someone and that I should just grow up.

It start walking when my arm hits the mirror of the car. "Son of a bitch," I cruse at the car like that's going to do anything. I clench my jaw and again I don't realize how hard I am until my mouth starts to hurt.

If I keep that up I'm going to have teeth problems.

The snow crunches under my feet, making each of my steps louder than I would like. Inside, I stand next to the parents in front of the kindergarten classroom.

They all glance at me and I give them an awkward smile before looking down. If there's one thing I hate, it's eye contact. That's why I wait for the last minute to go in.

I don't look up until someone pulls on my hand, I look up at Dayton and give him a grin. He pulls me out of the building and is quick to get in the car.

"What's got you in a rush today buddy?" I question as I leave the parking lot.

"I meet a new friend today!"

I look at his beaming face in rear view mirror. "Oh yeah? What's this friends name?"

"Her names Kate," he smiles. "I want to get home to ask Mama if I can have a play date with her."

"I'm sure you can buddy," I chuckle. I love this boy, sometimes he's the only light in my world.

•••

Here's an update for y'all.

Random question of the day: do you guys have a favorite place to travel to?

I love traveling I think there's some really beautiful places.

Make sure to vote and comment!

~Paislee 💕