When Heaven Smiled

15

Chapter 15
Young Heart

There is something with innocence that always makes me think. I heard that it should never be taken away from you. It actually makes me confused. Just because you're innocent, is it necessary to show naivety? They are two different things... and it sucks to be called both.

I told Ate Ariana that he wasn't my suitor. Ilang beses ko na nasabi iyon sa kanya pero wala siyang ibang ginawa kung hindi asarin ako kay Maxon. Siguro takot lang din ako kay Papa... kasi kailangan muna grumaduate, bago mag boyfriend.

"Hindi ko siya manliligaw... It's just he's making me confused and happy at the same time. I mean h-how can a person make you feel that way Ate? I want to get rid of these feelings." I played with my fingers.

Nakakahiya, bata pa nga ako. I couldn't even look at her.

"You're still young and innocent Alice... and my God! Ang naive mo pa, ni hindi mo pa nga ma-distinguish kung ano intention sa 'yo ng mga tao sa paligid mo! Mabuting ako na lang ang nakakaalam niyan kaysa sina Mama at Papa pa." Ate said the last time we talked.

She's being a responsible sister now, and I understand her concern. Maybe I just needed to assess myself too.

But, I couldn't deny the slight pang in my chest. It makes me sad that they still think that I'm a child. They treat me like one. Sobra nila akong bine-baby na parang hindi ako masasaktan ng mundo kahit kailan! Parang pinapalabas naman niya na ang tanga ko.

Kaya naman pala ganoon dahil may pinanggagalingan ang mga salita niya. Palaging tuwing maganda ang ihip ng hangin, may masamang panahon na parating. It's their never ending cycle of fighting and silent treatments.

"Alis na ako, Pa." bumeso si Ate sa kanya.

My father nodded. Si Mama naman ay ngumiti lang kay Ate. At ako? I'm just a bystander.

As a friend, Maxon was a nice person. Noong hinatid niya ako, naalala ko kung paano niya ako tratuhin noong grade 10. Maalaga. Natatakot ako na baka umasa akong makita lagi ang ganoong version niya.

"Ano'ng pinakikinggan mo?" Maxon asked calmly. Umupo siya sa tabi ko ng walang pasintabi.

I gritted my teeth. Kanta lang naman. Wala naman sigurong malisya, ano?

I hated how I am assuming that a part of him likes me just because he's being nice. Ganoon na ba ako kauhaw sa atensyon?

"Balisong." I swallowed hard. It became one of my favorite songs in his recommendations. Tinanggal ko ang earphones at binalik sa case.  "What are you doing here?"

"Just dropping by."

"Ikaw, may sundo ka?"

I nodded. "Just when I thought they'd allow me to commute, ayon damay ako sa Ate ko." I accidentally ranted.

"Bakit? If you don't mind me asking."

"May ginawa siyang kalokohan e... Ayon hindi natuwa si Papa. Tungkol na naman sa lalaki." Umiling ako. "Nagkasagutan sila."

"If you were in her shoes, would you do the same?" He curiously asked. Mukhang seryoso siya sa kanyang tinig.

"Disobeying my parents for a guy? No." I frankly answer. "Kung seryoso siya sa akin, matatakot din iyon ma-disappoint ang mga taong mahal ko." Buo ang paninindigan ko sa parteng iyon.

"That's good to know. Keep your standards high." Sumilay ang maliit na ngiti sa gilid ng labi niya. He seemed pleased with my answer.

Gumaan doon ang loob ko. There are times I heard people say na ang feelingera ko raw at nasa loob ang kulo. Walang lalaki ang gugustuhin ako kung ganito ako mag-isip. Manang as they say. Na para bang kasalanan ko na sadyang alam ko ang halaga ko.