When Heaven Smiled

29

Chapter 29
Madwoman

Trigger Warning: violence, self-harm.

"Manang, sorry. Hindi ko kayang paswelduhan ka." I played with my fingers. Hindi ko na kayang itago pa sa kanya ang totoong sitwasyon. "Malapit naman na po ako grumaduate, I can earn money soon. By that time—" I was about to explain to her what's happening but she cut me off.

"Hindi ako aalis, 'Nak. Dito lang ako, hihintayin ko na lang kapag nagkatrabaho ka. Hindi ba nangako rin naman ang Tita Cleo at Tita Adriana mo na magbibigay suporta?" she squeezed my hands.

"Pero hindi ko na po kaya 'yung sweldo n'yo katulad ng dati." I honestly said.

Manang has been there for us growing up, she deserves the best lalo na siya ang nag-alaga sa amin noon pa man.

"Okay lang. Hindi kita hahayaan na mag-isa harapin 'to? Hmm?" she sighed, "Baka kasi sumunod ka na sa Mama mo kapag hindi mo pa inalagaan sarili mo. Alam mo naman nangyari no'ng nakaraan?"

"Yes po," hindi ko talaga alam ang isasagot sa kanya.

"Ayoko rin dumating ka sa puntong kakailanganin mo pang humingi ng tulong uli sa Papa mo."

Her words comforted me so much. Buti pa siya, kahit hindi niya ako kadugo mahal niya ako. She wanted to stay by my side. Unlike my own sister and father.

Naalala ko kung gaano kasalimuot 'yong panahong 'yon. I remembered their words clearly when I told them that I wanted to be independent. But I didn't know that they're going to have that reaction.

They all... ridiculed me.

I stared at my old room for a very long time. Malinis ito at halatang mine-maintain na siyang kinagulat ko. Did he still think we'd come back?

Umupo ako sa dulo ng kama at iginala ko ang mata ko sa kabuuan nito. The butterfly stickers reminded me so much of my old self. She's so soft and she's such a dreamer, ready to fly for her dreams. Tumingin ako sa gawing bintana. I could see my old self sitting there. I see her reading books and having her quiet time. It was my favorite spot, during my happy and dark days... doon ako. Kahit no'ng nanligaw si Maxon, doon ko siya sinilip.

Kaya ko naman 'di ba? Kaya ko naman sila pakisamahan. Hanggang makagraduate lang naman.

Hindi ako mapakali kaya nilibot ko na lang ang mansyon. The thought of living here is painful and suffocating. It's hard to watch my father starting his new life after he discarded us.

Kaya siguro umalis si Mama, kasi nakakasuka na araw-araw mo makita sa iisang bahay 'yung taong nanakit sa 'yo.

Gumala na lang ako para gumaan ang loob ko kahit papaano. Iba na ang ayos ng mga furniture, pinatanggal na rin ang malaking family portrait namin sa receiving area. Binubura niya na talaga kami. He doesn't want our trace in his life.

Gusto ko magalit sa kanya kasi hindi deserve ni Mama 'yon. No one deserves half-ass love.

Dinala ako ng mga paa ko sa music room. I slowly opened the door and I was amazed that everything was clean. So mini-maintain nga talaga?

Hinaplos ko ang keys ng puting piano. Isa sa mga bagay na pinakamamahal ko noon. I remained standing as I played a random piece, Tonight You Belong to Me.

I stopped playing when I heard the door shrieking.

Lumingon ako at laking tuwa ko nang makita na si Yaya Karen ang naroon. At least someone familiar. I feel like a stranger to this house already.

"Yaya Karen?" I ran towards her to give her a hug. Sobrang bigla siya sa ginawa ko. "It's been so long!" I excitedly told her.

Nawala ang ngiti sa labi ko nang matauhan. Inalis ko na rin ang yakap sa kanya nang hindi siya nag-react.