You're Such An Idiot

Chapter 16-Catra

Damn, I can't believe Sparkles and I are actually getting close. I had never stopped to think about how much we have in common, until now. Talking to her has made me realize we're both so proud, too proud probably, and scared. Most of the time we're just scared of doing the wrong thing. She's lucky she only made one mistake to regret, though. My mistakes are carved on Adora's skin, probably forever. Adora... is she really going to try something as reckless as going through a portal on her own, without even knowing where she's going?

"Look, Sparkles, about this portal..." I say with a serious tone. "I know that Entrapta is just trying to help, but we also know her calculations are not always one hundred percent affordable, and⸺"

"Catra, you don't need to convince me" she interrupts me. "You heard what I said back in there. I'm not doing this"

"That's not the point. This is not only about you. You know Adora. Now that she knows she could do something to bring Angella back, she's not going to stop until she tries. I need you to help me talk her out of this. I can't..." I hug my knees, flattening my ears. "I can't lose her again. Please... we need to talk to her. Adora doesn't⸺"

"Doesn't what?" It's Adora's voice. I was so focused on my speech I didn't notice her and Bow approaching.

"Glimmer, get out of there, we need to talk" says Bow. I quickly stand up, trying to avoid eye contact with Adora.

"What is it, Catra?" she snaps. "What were you saying?"

I don't have time to answer because Sparkles teleports right in front of me, facing Adora and Bow.

"We were saying" she answers in an aggressive tone, "that it seems like Catra and I are the only sensible people around here. Do you really think this plan is going to work? Entrapta says she could use the Heart of Etheria as a source of energy, but she has no idea how to do it"""""""

"You don't know that!" Bow protests. "She hasn't even tried yet!"

"She knows nothing about magic!" Sparkles insists. "You think she can handle the magic of Etheria? We know nothing about this magic, absolutely nothing! We know it's good, but it doesn't mean we can use it as we please! Do you really think we can draw this energy from the Heart without any consequence?"

"There's no way we can figure this out until we try" Bow replies. "But I don't see what's wrong with that! Why are you so scared? What's the worst that could happen?"

"Are you deaf or something?" I cry. "Adora could get stuck in there! The fact that she's She-Ra doesn't mean she's invincible. She wouldn't have made it against Prime if we hadn't given her the backup she needed. How is she supposed to find Angella if Entrapta has no damn clue where she could be? How can you be so reckless?"

"Catra" Adora replies, "I'm not saying I will blindly jump into that portal without knowing what I'm doing. Entrapta just gave us a basic idea of how things might work if we try this. I'm sure if we give her more time to study and do her math she will give us more details, we will get a better idea of what we're facing exactly"

"Why won't you even let her try?" Bow asks Sparkles. "Just give her a chance! Of course we won't risk Adora's life if it gets too dangerous, but we don't know that yet!"

"It's just like the failsafe" I growl. "Now you say you don't want to risk her life, but when the time comes she's just going to do it anyway. It's just how she is" I turn to look at her, angry, and she frowns at me, crossing her arms.

"I won't do anything stupid, I promise" she snorts. "I just want to know more about this plan. If we realize that it gets too dangerous and things get bad, I promise I will back down"

I look away, grinding my teeth. "No, you won't. I know you. It doesn't matter what you're risking, you will always choose to play the hero, won't you?" I turn my back and run away, trying to hold my tears back.

I can't believe this is happening. We've had, what, two days of peace? And now they're really thinking about opening a portal, again? What makes this even worse is that I know this wouldn't be happening if I hadn't set off that portal, that stupid, damn portal. Adora is still trying to fix my mistakes, she's going to pay for them, no matter what I tell her. She never listens. Just like I never listened to her. I'm going to lose her, I'm going to lose her and it's my fault. My fault... my fault... my...

I suddenly stop running, out of breath. My heartbeat is pounding violently, so hard against my chest it almost hurts. I fall on my knees, panting loudly, my eyes burning with tears, my hands shaking like crazy. I'm having a breakdown, again. I'm having...

"Catra!!"

Adora's cracking voice makes its way through the spiral of darkness creeping inside my head. I open my eyes, but everything is fuzzy. My body is so heavy. My head is so heavy.

"Catra... I'm here" Adora is sitting in front of me, tears running down her face. "I'm sorry. I... I'm not going anywhere, I promise" She grabs my trembling hands and places them on her cheeks. "Look at me"

It takes all the strength I have to do something as simple as raising my head.

"I'm not going anywhere" she repeats. "I won't leave you behind, okay?"

I start sobbing, hating myself for being so weak, so vulnerable. Why does it always have to be like this? Why does the thought of Adora leaving break me like that? I just can't take it anymore. I can't lose her. I just can't.

"You... promise?" I whisper in a cracked voice.

Adora pulls me closer and holds me tight, her head on my shoulder, her arms around my neck. "I promise" she weeps.

Oh, Adora, what I'd give to believe you.

"Catra, I'm sorry" says Bow, behind us. "I didn't mean to upset you. We would never risk Adora's life, that's not gonna happen, you don't have to worry about it. We are simply going through our options"

"These options are not good enough" says Sparkles. "It's not safe. Unless you come up with a plan that doesn't endanger the whole planet, discussing is pointless"

"It wouldn't be pointless if you weren't so stubborn!" Bow snaps. "Why are you acting like this?"

"Because I'm scared!!" Sparkles cries. "I'm scared that if I allow myself to hope I'll see my mother again and then something happens and it doesn't work, it's only going to make it worse! Just when I was about to finally let her go and accept that she's gone, you want me to start hoping things could change? I don't want it. Hope is not enough for me. I can't just send Adora through a portal and hope she will find mother, and then hope they will both get back here safe. We're not kids anymore, Bow. We can't improvise with something like this"

"Nobody is saying that!" Bow protests. "I just wish you could give Entrapta and Hordak a chance to work on it! I can't see what's wrong with trying!"

"If the magic of the Heart is involved, trying might be dangerous enough! Tech is way more predictable than magic, we have no idea what would happen if we mess things up!"

"Glimmer is right" murmurs Adora, her head still on my shoulder. She lifts it up and wipes out a tear from my cheek. She gives me a warm, comforting smile, but it's not enough to calm me down. My breathing is still irregular, my body still shaking. I feel like I would crumble into pieces if Adora let me go. "We can't use the magic of the planet without knowing what we're dealing with" she continues. "And there is only one person on Etheria who might help us know something more" She places my head on her shoulder and scratches me behind my ears, somehow making my heartbeat slow down.

"What are you talking about?" asks Bow, sounding confused.

Adora takes a deep breath before answering. "I need to talk to Madame Razz"