You're Such An Idiot

Chapter Three-Catra

I had no idea Wrong Hordak could cook so well. I mean, this makes me even more upset with Hordak himself! Why would he feed us those terrible grey bars if he had, potentially, such impressive cooking skills? If all of Prime's clones are alike, then Hordak should be just as good as Wrong Hordak, I guess. And now there he is, seating right in front of me, eating at this enormous table, sharing food with princesses, his worst enemies until, like, two hours ago. I'm not in the best position to speak, either, but I actually helped save Etheria. The only reason he's here is Entrapta, I can tell that from the way they interact. I can't believe she fell for him. Like, how is that even possible? He's never been fun, or kind, or anything, really. But yeah, still better than hanging out with your own robots, I guess.

I can tell some princesses feel uncomfortable, having Hordak at the table. The sea one, for example, she keeps grunting: "Are we seriously just ok with that?", ignoring Perfuma's attempt to calm her down through some stupid breathing exercises. The ice kid seems also kind of upset. I think she's plotting to freeze his food while he swallows. That should definitely take him out, right?

"Done eating already?" suddenly asks Sparkles, with an unexpectedly high-pitched voice that makes me jump, my tail inevitably puffed up. "Oh sorry I didn't mean to scare you!" she adds, struggling to control her laughter. Ugh, this is so embarrassing it makes me miss the old times when people were actually scared of me.

"You didn't scare me, Sparkles" I reply, adjusting my tail. "How could you possibly scare me? Threatening me with glitter, perhaps?"

"You know I could definitely kick your a⸺"

"Girls!" Adora barges in with a nervous, dumb smile on her face. "Do you think you can maintain truce until dinner is over?"

"Deal" agrees Sparkles. "I can beat you up later"

"You wish" I snigger. "And by the way, yeah, I'm done eating. I think I'll go get some rest now" All of a sudden I feel completely out of place. And tired. All I want is to be alone and recharge. I mean... maybe not alone...

"I'm coming with you" says Adora, smiling. "I could use some rest too"

Adora grabs my hand, which is enough to make any discomfort disappear, as I slightly lift my ears and smile back at her.

"See you tomorrow guys!" she says as we leave the room.

I wait until the racket from the dining room fades away to ask her:

"How can you be okay with that?"

"With what?" she asks, acting confused.

"Hordak. How can you... forgive him?"

"It's not about forgiveness, Catra" She keeps walking down the corridors of this immense castle, looking like she knows every corner of it by heart. Just like she used to know every corner of the Fright Zone. I guess now I'll be the one following her around, because I have no idea where we're going. "I haven't forgiven him" she adds, keeping her eyes low. "I just... I just thought I had to give him a chance"

"But why? After all he's done! What if he's planning something to take over Bright Moon? How can you possibly trust him?"

"I don't! I trust Entrapta. She'll keep an eye on him"

"So you trust a princess who would sell you out for a piece of tech"

Adora stops in the middle of the corridor and faces me. "You don't know Entrapta, you shouldn't talk about her like that" she snaps.

"I actually spent quite a lot of time with her too, you know" I reply, my tail wagging nervously.

"Yeah, you mean when you took advantage of our mistake to turn her against us?"

Her voice sounds so cold it makes me freeze, literally. I can tell from Adora's look that she's already regretting her words. "Catra, I'm sorry, I didn't mean⸺"

"No, you're right" I whisper, flattening my ears. "You're just telling the truth"

"Catra" Her voice is now breaking, or rather melting, at least that's how it feels to me. From ice cold to warm, soft. "I got nervous, I wasn't trying to be mean. It's just... we've been through a lot. And it's not easy for me to trust Hordak, or Entrapta, or even... you"

I can't stand to look at her, not now. My veins fill with shame and self-hate. Adora grabs my hands, which I can't keep from shaking. Nor can I keep my eyes from filling up with tears.

"It's not easy for me to trust you because I'm afraid, Catra" she confesses, almost crying. I stubbornly keep my head down. "I'm so afraid of losing you again. I'm afraid of you leaving, like that night before we left for the Heart. I couldn't bear it. I thought I'd never see you again and I thought you hated me and⸺"

"Adora!" I find the courage to look up at her, and I find tears running down her cheeks. "I've never hated you" I pull her closer to me. "Not even when I thought I did. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't. That's why I opened that portal in the first place. Don't you get it? There was nothing left for me. You took... you were everything to me, Adora. I wouldn't have cared if the world had ended. I didn't⸺" I hesitate as my body starts shaking violently. "I had lost it all. And I just wanted to take you down with me"

Adora throws her arms around my neck and holds me tight. Really tight. I can feel her heart against my chest as she quietly sobs. I feel my knees melting as I struggle to choke my tears back. But Adora is holding me, and that's the only thing that keeps me from breaking down.

"I got you now" she sobs. "I'm not letting go. Just promise me you'll stay"

She's right. I've always been the one asking her to stay, but I left her too. I couldn't see that before, but now it makes sense. We left each other so many times I lost count. But it doesn't have to be like this anymore. I won't lose her again. I can't.

"I promise" I whisper, holding her tight. It feels so good to say it. It's warm, and it's real. And no one can take that from me.