-warning sad, metions of self harm and suicide-
i sat on the couch waiting for my girlfriend billie to get home, she didnt like leaving me because of my past with self harm and how bad my depression can get when im left alone with my thoughts, i looked down at my legs that where covered by some black sweat pants, thoughts started filling up my head
why cant you dress nice for once
your so disgusting
billie probably doesnt even love you
i shook my head and went back to watching tv fiddling with the sleeves on my hoodie trying to focus on what was happening on the tv instead of the thoughts in my head
your to ugly for billie
she doesnt love you
shes going to leave
shes never coming back
i stood up and walked over to the stairs. tears started welling in my eyes as i walked upstairs soon overflowing down my cheeks. i wiped them away as i walked into to look in the full lengh mirror and just stared at how ugly i was. i dont know what billie sees in me. shes probably unhappy in this relationship,im a terrible girlfriend. i walked out of the bedroom and walked into the bathroom, i started running some cold water in the bath. i started rummaging throughh the drawers to find a razor. i found it. i rolled my sleeves up and pressd it against my arm then dragging it across my skin, i started crying harder from the pain, i did it a few more times from my wrist up to my elbow. i stopped and grabbed some liqour from under the sink and climbed into the bath stopping the water. i opened the bottle and started drinking. i sat up and looked at myself in the mirror on the bathroom walla dn sighed ' i dont want to be you anymore...' i said quietly before laying down in the cold bath hoping to feel numb soon from the alcohol and the icy water i soon started falling asleep. i didnt care that i was in the bath or that it was filled with water, maybe i would drown. i started falling asleep when i heard the front door open followed by billie whispering 'baby im home' i didnt get out f try and hide my arm i just layed there, unable to move
billies pov
i got out of my car excited to see my baby after a long day at work. i walked up to the door and unlocked it, i opened it expecting to be greeted by y/n hugging me and peppering kisses all over my face. i stepped in to our house and it felt cold.i loked around in the living ad didnt see her, she could be sleeping upstairs 'baby i home' i whispered incase she was sleeping then made my way upstairs into the bedroom, i looked on the bed she wasnt there 'y/n?' i shouted gettinga bit worried, then i heard water moving in the bathroom, i walked out the bedroom and went over to the bathroom and knocked on the door 'baby are you in here?' i asked i waited a few minuets and got no response i opend the door slowly, the light was off and i saw the draws open with things out of them, i looked on the floor and saw blood and a razor left on the floor,i looked up and ran over to the bath and my heart broke 'y/n..' i said my voice shakey as i picked up her cold wet body she groaned in response, i walked to the bedroom holding her close, she woke up and burried her head in my neck and sobbed 'im sorry bil...' she said her voice shakey. i sat down on the floor against the dorr holding her closer my hands wrapped around her keeping her safe she was crying really hard and alll she could choke out was 'im sorry' i shushed her and held her tightly, when she stopped crying i put her down on the floor beside me and stood up to grab a towel. i wrapped it around her and picked up my baby then walked over to the bed.i sat down with y/n on my lap holding onto me like her life was going to slip away if she didn't i kissed her forehead 'lets get some pyjamas on, okay baby?' i asked she loked up at me and nodded, i put her down on the bed while i grabbed some pjs for her and then changed her into them ' im just going to get a first aid kit' i said before kissing her on the cheek and going into the bathroom to grab the first aid kit, when i came back into the bedroom she hugged me i hugge her back then we walked over to the bed and se=he sat infront of me as i cleaned her arm up and bandaged it i lifted her arm and kissed it then i saw her smile which made me smile ' i love you y/n never forget that' i said pulling her close
your pov
billie pulled me close and i rested my head on her chest, she held me nd layed down causing me to lay ontop of her which i didnt mind, she held meclose and played my hair and i held her tightly, she soon pulled a blanket over the two of us and out the office on quiety in the background we layed there in silence for a while before i moved my head to look t her ' i love you billie' i said staring into her ocean eyes, i kissed her passionatlry and it felt like the world and all my worries melted away i smiled andd layed my head on her chest and fell asleep soon after
