TW: mentions of slurs selfharm, pills, suicide attempt:TW
i stood there as tears streamed down my face, a pen in my right hand my left holding down a piece of paper on the desk infront of me, i started writing and glanced over to the bottle of pills on my left.
Take me to the rooftop
I wanna see the world when I stop breathing
Turning blue
my tears spilled onto the paper as they started flowing heavier
Tell me, love is endless, don't be so pretentious
Leave me, like you do
am i really about to do this? am i really about to eave everyone i love..? i sigh as i stop writing for a second then the memories come back of all the times my own family have disowned me, my friends dropped me. more tears started flowing down my face as i picked up my phone to tet my only friend, billie
If you need me
Wanna see me
Better hurry
'Cause I'm leaving soon
i text her, the turn off my phone and put it down, more tears flow out of my eyes as i pick the pen up and start writing again
Sorry, can't save me now
Sorry, I don't know how
Sorry, there's no way out
But down
i smile slightly as i wipe my tears away, my efforts go to vein as more tears spill out of my sore eyes, this is for the best, this is what you need, what everyone needs
Taste me, the salty tears on my cheek
That's what a year-long headache does to you
I'm not okay, I feel so scattered
Don't say I'm all that matters
Leave me
Deja vu
i opened the drawer on the desk and pulled out the blade i had in there and placed it next to the bottle of pills
Call my friends and tell
Them that I love them
And I'll miss them
But I'm not sorry
i ended the note by signing 'y/n' at the bottom, i folded the note and left it on the desk, i grabbed the pills and the blade and made my way into the bathroom, i placed the pill bottle and blade on the side of the sink and looked into the mirror, a look of disgust mixed with rage and sadness took over my face, i slowly took off my hoodie revealing my arms that had scars that ended at my elbows on both arms, i was left in only a short sleeved shirt and shorts,i picked up the blade and placed it on my skin and took a deep breath ,i dragged it across my skin as words came into my head
slut
monster
dyke
disgrace
i couldnt bear it any any longer, i dropped the blade as thick red blood came flowing down my arms, i picked up the pill bottle while i still could, i took the lid off and poured some into my hand, there was about 15 , i put the bottle down and picked up a glass of water i threw the pills into my mouth and took a drink of the water washing them all down, i slowly made my way back to my bedroom, blood dripping behind me as i walked, i fell to the floor infront of the door, i could hear my phone blowing up as my vision went blurry and soon enough went black, i slowly started to regret my decisions as i drifted into unconsciousness
-billies pov -
i sat on my bed writing lyrics for my new song as my phone light up, i smiled seeing y/ns name on my screen, y/n, my bestfriend i sometimes wish we where more than friends ,i sat thinking to myself about our friendship and how i want more, i want to feel my lips on hers as we hold eachother under the stars, i snap back to reality and unlock my phone reading the message
'If you need me
Wanna see me
Better hurry
'Cause I'm leaving soon'
fear spiked through out my body as i read it, y/n often spoke to me about how she felt, she was diagnosed with depression a few years ago, she said she was fine and stopped taking her medication a few months ago, i begged to keep taking them but she wouldnt listen she insisted she was fine, i quickly stood up and put some shoes on i the y/n back on the verge of tears, i started calling her as i made my way out of the house to the car, she wouldnt answer fuck y/n pick up i got into my car and started speeding down the road to y/ns house, i ran a couple red lights on the way there
i stopped the car infront of her house, i got of the car and rand up to the front door and tried to open it, it was locked, i pulled my keys out and fumbled through them to find y/ns spare house key, i unlocked the door and walked in 'y/n!' i shouted as i scanned the living room, i ididnt see her, i walked into the kitchen, there was no sign of y/n, i called out her name once more as i rushed over to the stairs, still no response ,i ran up the stairs, i stopped and stood there in shock as i saw the drips of blood on the floor, i looked into the bathroom and saw a pool of blood on the floor surrounding a blade, hot tears filled my eyes.
I turned to see y/ns limp body on the floor, i walked over to her, i bent down and shook her body 'y/n' i said as i shook her, she didnt move, her eyes didnt even flutter open for a second, i sobbed as picked up her cold body, i stood up and walked over to the stairs, i glanced into the bathroom again, i saw an opened half empty bottle of pills and more tears spilled out of my eyes, i held y/n close as i walked down the stairs and out of the house, i walked over to my car and gently placed y/n down on the back seats and climbed into the front, and started the car
-at the hospital-
i paced back and forth waiting for the doctor that took y/n to come back and tell me that she was okay, all of a sudden scenarios started flowing into my head, i froze as these thoughts started to take over my brain
shes not coming back
what if they cant save her
shes gone
shes gone...
y/ns gone
y/ns not coming back
my eyes started to water once again as i thought of y/n not coming back, i sat down and out my head in my hands as tears streamed down my face
i was sat there for four hours before a doctor came out, he called out my name and i stood up and walked over to him, he asked if i knew about y/ns situation, i nodded ad played with my rings nervously, he explained in further detail what y/n did, i culdn hold back my tear sas he went on 'shes in a stable condition, but shes still asleep, id suggest you let her sleep for a while, she needs it' he said motioning for me to follow him to y/ns room, he opened the door for me then walked away
i walked into the room and sat on the chair next to bed, y/n layed there, almost lifeless, i sat forward and held her hand, she felt so cold, i looked up at her, her face was so pale, she looked like her life had been pulled away, i sat there in silence for a few minuets staring at y/ns face before letting out a quiet sigh before deciding to speak 'y/n, im sorry i wasnt there foroyu..' i said as my voice cracked 'i love you so so so much..' i wiped my eyes before continuing 'i love you..more than a friend' i confessed looking down. I caressed the back of her hand with my thumb.
i felt y/n squeeze my hand gently, i looked up to see her smiling with her eyes closed i stood up and sat on the edge of the bed closer to her, 'im sorry bil..' she said as her voice cracked 'no, mama its okay' i assured her moving my hand to her cheek ' its not, i did something stupid and i almost wasnt here' i could see tears spill down her face and i wiped them away 'but youre here now and thats all that matters' i kissed her cheek and looked at her ' i promise i wont have to feel alone anymore' i said smiling, y/n smiled back at me.
A/N:part 2?Sorry its sad ig i just wanted to balance things out idk
