another song based one because i don't know what the fuck else to do and it has an actual story line this time obviously where it says he it will be switched to see and song lyrics will be in italics
warning: mentions of counting calories, eating disorder? and self harm
i walked into the school cafeteria and grabbed some food, i started walking over to a table when i was stopped by a group of girls 'hey-' i was cut off by one of them 'shut up! count your calories' one of them took took my food and threw it somewhere, after a couple minuets of teasing me they walked away laughing, i've had a fantastic start to my first day back, i went to the rest of my lessons and quickly made my way home aviodig everyone
i soon arrived home 'hey your clothes came' jacob said handing me a package 'thanks' i replies smiling, i walked upstairs to my rom and tried on my jeans and walked over to my mirror, i looked over myself and sighed i never looked in mom jeans, i got changed into some more comfortable clothes and went to instagram, i looked through my feed seeing all the perfect girls that were nothing like me, i sighed and a picture of my friend billie, i decided to call her 'hey y/n' she answered smiling, i smiled back 'wish i was like you' i said 'what do you mean? 'blue eyed blondie perfect body, maybe i should try harder' i respond laying my phone next to me 'you should lower your expectations, i'm no quick-curl barbie' billie responds sounding concerned 'i was never cut out for prom queen' i sigh 'i'll talk to you later bil' i say picking my phone up 'y/n wait-' i cut her off by ending the phone and throwing myself back on the bed
i walk into jacobs room and layed next to him on the bed 'billie?' he asks sitting up and looking at me, i nod and roll over onto my stomach 'you just need to talk to her' he responds rubbing my back 'if I get more pretty do you think he will like me?' i ask looking at him 'you are pretty' he says looking down at me as tears start to fall from my eyes
disect my insecurities
'im a defect, surgical project' i say as jacob tries to wipe away my tears 'you are beautiful y/n dont be stupid' he reassures me as i sit up 'its getting hard to breath' i whisper quietly 'maybe i should try harder' i say as jacob pulls me into a hug 'you should lower your beauty standards' he responds holding me 'I'm no quick-curl barbie I was never cut out for prom queen' i mumble against his chest
the next day i decided to meet up with billie in a park, we met up and talked like usual 'if im pretty will you like me?' i blurt out looking at her, billie looks at me confused 'they say "Beauty makes girls happy" i say looking down 'y/n, you are pretty, your perfect, what's wrong?' i look back up at her 'i've been starving myself carving skin until my bones are showing' i confess as tears pool in both of our eyes
'teach me how to be okay i don't wanna downplay my emotions' i whisper as billie places a hand on my cheek
they say "Beauty is vain
You'll only be happy if you look a certain way"
i wanna be okay
i wanna be okay
hope you enjoyed bozos, also please pleas pleasee don't put yourself down or let others words get to you, you are amazing and beautiful and perfect the way you are, please take care of yourself, make sure you eat and drink enough water <3
