Can you even fix something that's already broken

Hold On

Y/N'S POV
I lost track of how many days I have been here. I don't know if it has been weeks..... or months. All I know, is that it feels like I've been here forever. The days go by excruciatingly slow. I couldn't tell when it was morning or night anymore, I completely lost any and all sense of time. Every few days or hours, I couldn't tell anymore, they would torture me until I passed out from the pain. Some days.... I just wanted to die. I know that's not what I should be thinking, but it's all I could think. I tried to keep the flame inside me alive, the flame that thought it would be possible to get out of here. The flame that thought my family would save me, but every time the men torture me, that flame slowly dies. Now, it was barely burning, it was just a small flicker at this point. One more cut, one more broken bone, one more shock, one more hit, and that flame would be extinguished. I could barely remember my old self, the happiness, the love, the laughter... it was all gone now. All that was left, was a broken shell of memories.

I hadn't seen Peter since we got caught. I prayed with every ounce of faith and hope I had left, that he was still breathing. Part of me though, hoped he wasn't. Part of me hoped he wasn't going through all the pain that I endured every day too. Part of me... hoped he was dead, so he could be at peace instead of being in this hell. But the selfish part of me, it hoped he was gone so that it would be easier for me to let go too. There were a few opportunities were I could have ended it all, all the pain. Since my arms were slightly above my head... I could have easily reached for the screwdriver in my shoulder, and put it through my throat. I would have welcomed the pain and the darkness with open arms if it meant I could leave this place..... if it meant I could die. But I couldn't. What if my family did save me, only to discover that I was dead. I couldn't do that to them, I couldn't do that to my dad.

Oh how I missed them, I missed sitting around the dinner table laughing and joking with them without a care in the world. I longed for one of my dad's stupid jokes, the bickering sound of Nat and Clint arguing about something stupid while the rest of us laughed. I missed Thor's nicknames... he would always call me little warrior. I missed seeing those horrified looks on Steve's face when one of us cursed. It always made me laugh. I missed that adorable smile Peter always seemed to have plastered on his face. But most of all, I missed the soft kisses Loki would wake me up with. I missed his soothing voice saying I love you. I missed the feeling of being held in his arms, I wanted to be wrapped in his hold again... where I felt safe, where I felt loved. I just wanted to see him again, even if it's one last time.

I closed my eyes as the man started cutting into me again. I was numb to the pain now, no screams, no tears... no nothing. Just a numb, lonely, empty feeling. That's all I felt now, those were the only emotions I had left. I retreated into my mind and pictured myself back with my family. We were all gathered in the living room watching a movie like we did every Saturday night. We laughed and joked during the movie, pointing out every character that acted like any of us in the slightest. I imagined that I was curled up in Loki's arms again, holding each other as we slowly fell asleep.